There are many reasons why a child may shout at his or her parents.
Young children, especially those who have not yet developed full verbal skills, resort to screaming to express their needs, desires or frustrations.
They may not have learned how to communicate their emotions effectively, so screaming becomes a means of attracting attention or getting their message across.
In fact, some children scream to get their parents’ attention.
They may feel ignored or neglected, and shouting can be a way of making sure they are noticed.
In fact, children, like adults, can get frustrated or angry when things don’t go their way.
When they perceive injustice or feel unable to express their emotions adequately, yelling is an instinctive response.
Testing limits
Children scream to test their parents’ limits or to see how far they can go.
In reality, it’s a form of asserting independence or attempting to control a situation.
Over-stimulation or fatigue are also factors that explain why a child yells at his parents.
They do so to vent their emotions or cope with sensory overload.
In addition, if a child experiences physical discomfort or pain, such as illness, injury, or discomfort due to hunger or fatigue, he or she cries out to alert parents to his or her distress.
Finally, different stages of development lead to changes in behavior.
Toddlers, for example, cry out as part of their normal development, as they explore their vocal abilities or assert themselves.
Of course, parents need to understand that crying is often a form of communication and not necessarily a sign of a major problem.
However, persistent screaming or extreme behavior justifies a change in parenting.
WHAT NOT TO DO
- Lose your temper
- Send your children away
- Yelling at them to shut up
Losing your temper won’t teach your child to communicate with you.
Telling them to lock themselves in their room won’t teach them to control their emotions.
And yelling at your child to stop yelling or shut up isn’t going to teach him to respect limits.
Yelling at a stressed child adds stress to an already overwhelmed child.
It heightens his emotional excitement, preventing him from calming down and processing his feelings effectively.
Screaming provokes feelings of fear, anxiety and insecurity.
Screaming or isolating a child disrupts communication.
Instead of addressing the underlying problem causing the stress, these actions often create a defensive or fear reaction in the child.
They become emotionally withdrawn, more resistant and unable to express themselves openly.
This prevents constructive dialogue and problem-solving.
Screaming and isolation have harmful effects on a child’s emotional well-being
They damage self-esteem, create feelings of rejection or abandonment, and have a negative impact on trust in others.
Children need a supportive and nurturing environment to develop resilience and emotional regulation.
When parents yell at or isolate a stressed child, they miss opportunities to teach healthy coping mechanisms, problem-solving techniques and emotional regulation.
By showing understanding, empathy and guidance, parents help children learn to manage stress effectively and develop positive communication strategies.
Finally, harsh disciplinary methods, such as yelling or isolation, have lasting effects on children’s behavior, emotional development and mental health.
They lead to increased aggression, anxiety, depression or difficulty forming healthy relationships in the future.
HERE’S WHAT TO DO
It’s important that you say these phrases calmly:
I can see that something is wrong, but I can’t understand you when you talk to me like that.
Please calm down and tell me what’s wrong!
With this sentence, you’re acknowledging that the child is upset or confused about something.
You make it clear that the way the child is currently expressing himself, which may involve shouting, screaming or other disruptive behavior, is making it difficult for you to fully understand or respond to the problem.
So you ask the child to regulate his or her emotions and adopt a calmer, more receptive state.
Finally, you encourage the child to express what’s bothering him or her.
I understand that you’re upset and your emotions are important to me.
Please take a moment to calm down so I can help you.
With this sentence, you acknowledge that the child is upset and recognize the importance of his emotions.
In effect, you’re validating the child’s feelings and demonstrating empathy and understanding.
You’re also emphasizing that the child’s emotions are important and meaningful to you and to him.
What’s more, asking your child to calm down shows the importance of emotional self-regulation and allows the child to pull himself together, breathe and regain his composure.
You’re showing your child that you want to recognize the source of his distress.
You have every right to be angry!
I would be too if I were you, but you can’t yell at others when you’re angry.
Let’s try again…
This statement recognizes that anger is a valid and natural emotion for children.
You’re expressing empathy by saying that you understand the child’s point of view, which helps them feel listened to and supported.
This indicates that the child’s anger is recognized, but that there are limits to how he or she can express it.
Yelling at others is not an acceptable or constructive way to deal with anger!
As a parent, you’re suggesting that we try again, which implies that the child has the opportunity to express his anger or address the problem in a more appropriate or effective way.
These phrases validate your child’s emotions, while setting healthy limits for him or her.
These limits allow you to create a productive and emotional bond.