I’ve been a mother of three for nine years!
I’ve changed a lot of diapers, wiped a lot of dirty butts and runny noses.
Despite my sleepless nights, I’ve corrected loads of homework and endured endless episodes of childish tantrums.
Based on this information, you’d think I’d handle my role as a mom just fine.
You’d think I’d become a pro!
But lately, I often lack the willpower for everything.
It’s still too early to retire in this business, but I’m feeling tired and fed up.
I’ve even begun to believe that my children are abnormally mean and disrespectful.
To counter my theory, I often stand in front of my mirror and repeat to myself:
My children are not impossible.
They’re just kids!
You’re just losing your temper…
Honestly, I try to convince myself, but I find it harder and harder to believe my own words.
Yes, my children make my life impossible.
And sometimes I feel like I can’t handle everything they throw at me.
Now I understand my mother…
I understand why I always felt she was angry with me.
I also understand why she was so tired and sensitive to noise.
Like her, I feel angry, tired, misunderstood and overstimulated.
But I know: I’m not a bad mother and my kids aren’t terrible.
I’m frustrated and exhausted!
Just like you…
A vacation with them is rarely a vacation.
They invade your double bed and jump up and down your spine until you can’t take it anymore.
The screams tear at your ears, and you fantasize about silence.
Your favorite cocktail ends up on your favorite dress.
Your favorite music is drowned out by the tones of their beloved cartoon.
Sometimes you’d rather run away from it all, but wherever you go, the emptiness will haunt you.
And then they grow up, and you become laden with years, experience and wisdom.
And your tolerance for disobedience weakens.
Sometimes you feel numb and sometimes your nerves are at their lowest ebb.
Children are often expected to be serious, which is not in keeping with their age.
And adults are expected to be calm, even if they’re under terrible daily stress.
We expect so much of each other that there’s bound to be an eruption of disappointment.
Yesterday, when my nine-year-old daughter danced like an orangutan, I shouted at her: “Don’t behave like a monkey, you’re old enough!
Then I said to myself: “Shit, let her be a kid! It’s the most beautiful role she’ll play in her life.”
And we danced that monkey dance together.
She laughed like she does when she’s really happy.
We held hands and spun around making monkey noises.
People can think what they want about my behavior, I don’t care!
Her slightly wavy hair was flying, her cheeks were flushed, her palms were sweaty, our bellies were bouncing, our feet were burning and then we collapsed on the floor.
This anger that kept reverberating inside me, I was speechless with astonishment.
Kids have to be kids.
Dirty.
Lucky.
Demanding.
Impossible!
How do you calm down when you feel your child is making life impossible?
Parenting can be a challenge!
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed or frustrated when your child gives you a hard time.
When this happens, you need to adopt a strategy to calm your nerves.
It’s like a defense mechanism against anger and frustration.
It will help you be a more relaxed mom in the long run.
Here are a few strategies to help you calm down in those moments:
1. Deep breathing
Deep breathing can help you slow down and regain control of your emotions.
Take a few slow, deep breaths and concentrate on the rhythm of your heart.
As in meditation, the aim is to take a break from what’s going on around you.
This is the first phase!
2. Get away from the situation
If possible, get away from the situation for a few minutes.
Take a short walk, go into another room or simply sit and breathe deeply.
This may encourage you to step back and calm down.
Yelling at or arguing with your child won’t do you any good.
So it’s best to put some distance between you and your child.
3. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is about being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
Try a few simple mindfulness exercises, like paying attention to your breathing or focusing on your senses.
With your feet firmly planted in the ground, you can learn to connect with nature and your surroundings.
4. Positive self-talk
Use positive self-talk to remind yourself that you’re doing your best in a difficult situation.
Tell yourself that you’re capable and strong, and that you’ll get through it.
For example, you can practice positive affirmations.
Every morning, tell yourself that you’re a good mom and that you’re doing a good job.
5. Seek support
Reach out to a friend or family member for support.
Sometimes talking to someone who understands can help you feel less alone and more able to handle the situation.
Isolation can be dangerous for your mental health and the well-being of your family.
Remember that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed from time to time, and that it’s important to take care of yourself to be the best parent you can be for your child.