Childcare, lack of time, money worries: single mothers face many challenges.
Good organization of daily life is particularly important for single mothers.
The extent to which this is possible depends mainly on their personal situation.
Several interdependent factors and circumstances play a role:
Time for the child
Many single mothers work full-time, for the most part.
For financial reasons, many have no other choice, but for the majority, it’s important to have a job and to be fulfilled in it.
Whatever their motivation, single working mothers often find themselves in conflict.
On the one hand, they are financially secure as far as possible, on the other, there is often less time for the child if, for example, they come home late from work in the evening or have to work at the weekend.
A well-organized schedule – from shopping at the supermarket to cleaning the house and spending time with the child – is common practice for many single mothers.
As a result, they often have no time for themselves.
Childcare
Working single mothers depend mainly on well-functioning childcare, especially when the child is still small and reliable caregivers are important.
This is not always possible, for example if there is no suitable childcare space or if the nursery’s opening hours and the mother’s working hours conflict.
Single mothers also always have to reckon with the need to reorganize at short notice, for example if the child is ill or school finishes early.
So it’s not surprising that private childcare options, for example from grandparents or friends, are an integral part of the daily planning for many single working mothers.
Employers
Many single mothers feel embarrassed towards their employers if they are absent more often because of their child, or are less flexible than other colleagues.
They fear disadvantages, such as reduced opportunities for advancement, and fear disastrous consequences, such as redundancy.
Many single mothers therefore want their employers to be more sympathetic to their situation, and to offer more flexible working time models.
Single mothers often choose their employer from the outset on the basis of organizational aspects, such as flexible working hours, commuting times and childcare options, and less on the basis of personal interests and development opportunities.
Unemployed single mothers
Despite a general willingness to work, more than a third of single mothers rely on state support, such as unemployment benefits.
Single moms are often unable to work, because they can’t adapt to inflexible working hours.
Or because they can’t provide childcare (for financial or practical reasons).
What’s more, they are often unemployed because they lack qualifications.
Here too, improvements are needed!
Relationship with the child’s father
Whatever the financial requirements, a good relationship with the child’s father makes daily life easier for many single mothers.
They can consider the father in their time planning, and also in emergencies, and ask for help.
Important decisions in the child’s interest, such as health issues or school choice, do not rest solely on the mother’s shoulders.
Regular visiting days with the father also enable single mothers to take time for themselves.
This is important and ultimately benefits the child.
Unfortunately, this often seems different in reality.
Many fathers don’t appreciate contact or are unreliable.
Understandably, this causes resentment among many single mothers.
In some cases, joint counseling at the youth office or an independent social counseling center helps to improve contact with the father and ease conflicts.
The social burden of single mothers
Now that we’ve briefly touched on the crucial points in the lives of single moms, you’ll understand better why the sentences that follow are totally inappropriate.
Even if they come from the heart, they can hurt these women who are fighting with all their might to give their children the best.
Honestly, I thought that in our modern world, prejudice and stigmatization were a thing of the past.
But no…
So please, refrain from telling solo moms.
1: “Enjoy your time with your children. They grow up so fast.”
They would if they had enough time to enjoy it.
They’re busy with their child 24/7, frustrated and overwhelmed.
They don’t have enough relief to enjoy anything.
2. “Always sleep when the child sleeps”
The worst thing I’ve ever heard!
Of course, and then they’ll cook when the child cooks, they’ll study for university when the child studies.
If they always slept when the child slept, they’d do nothing and accomplish nothing!
It’s a nice idea, but if they had the chance to sleep, they’d take it.
3. “And where’s Daddy?”
Geographically or…?
Clearly, he’s not here.
This question comes up in countless variations, and really, it’s just annoying.
The small talk, perhaps well-intentioned, allows solo moms to relive their feelings of disappointment.
4. “The child needs a male role model too!”
Oh really?
That’s a completely new concept!
And where are they supposed to get it?
Making fun of someone just so their child has a male reference person, it’s really not possible.
Of course, they’d prefer their child’s father to be there and look after him.
But he doesn’t, and there’s nothing they can do about it.
5. “It’s amazing how you can do everything yourself!”
Do they have any other choice?
They do everything that needs to be done, but usually something always gets forgotten.
Their apartment is like a tornado that has swept away all four walls simply because they failed to clean for one day.
They don’t even know if they’ll ever graduate because they seem to have forgotten how to read.
They’re often overwhelmed, in spite of themselves!
6. “Let me know if you need help”.
Very nice phrase of modesty.
I’m sure solo moms can count on one hand the number of people who are willing and able to really help them.
A lot of people just say that.
Who are they really going to call in the middle of the night when their child’s temperature is 40°C and they have to present a project the next morning?
7. “At least you’re not alone”
They tell you their problems, and you tell them they’re lucky to have a child, because they don’t feel alone.
In theory, it’s nice…
But it’s frustrating!
But even with a child by their side, they’re alone in their struggle.
Which is exactly why they feel lonely and isolated!
Because there’s no one to help them overcome the challenges that come with parenthood.
8. “We didn’t ask you to come with us because you can’t anyway”
Great, now they’re socially excluded too.
Relegated to the margins of society.
It’s like introverts: just because they can’t find a nanny at the last minute, doesn’t mean they don’t want to be invited.
You really get a life crisis when you’re on Instagram and co. and see how much fun everyone’s having while you’re still at home.
9. “I couldn’t do what you do”
No kidding?!
They know that!
In fact, they can’t do it either!
But you know what?
They don’t have a choice.
10. “I’m a single parent during the week too!”
No, you’re not!
It’s something completely different whether you’re solely responsible for a child for a short period of time or 24 hours a day.
You can’t coordinate with anyone, you can’t share your worries and you have to be ready at all times.
There are no breaks, no rotation and no spontaneity.
And why is that?
Because no man is at home on weekends.