Each of us had a different childhood.
Some were lucky enough to have a serene childhood.
They were raised by parents who were attentive and present.
The family environment was healthy, calm and secure.
Others were not so lucky.
They were raised by absentee, toxic or narcissistic parents.
Worse, they may even have been raised by abusive parents.
All this leaves its mark.
It even creates traumas that follow them into adulthood.
This unhappy childhood has an influence on all the relationships these people create.
They find it hard to have a healthy married life and reproduce the negative patterns of their childhood.
And it doesn’t get any better when they have children of their own.
Each of us carries the burden of that childhood – the memories, thoughts and fears we experienced as children still haunt us.
How can you resist the influence of your own upbringing and give your children a better education?
There are a few strategies that can make your upbringing easier:
1. Accept your own burdens
In order to move forward, you must first admit to yourself what’s bothering you.
Face up to your own childhood fears and admit them to yourself.
Whatever you were pushing deep inside as a child now rises to the surface.
And that’s good.
To be a better parent, you need to know where you stand.
The first step is to recognize your burdens and live with them, without fear.
If you can’t do this on your own, you can seek help from a therapist.
Or you can talk to family members who have been through the same thing.
2. Time to forgive
Your parents had only the best intentions for you, just as you have only the best intentions for your children.
At least, in theory…
Realize that their lives have shaped them in a unique way through the combination of experiences and situations they’ve been through.
Forgive them for anything you may still hold against them, anything that still affects you deeply after so many years.
In order to move forward, we must reconcile with our past, we must forgive.
We must not forget, but we must forgive.
There’s no point in carrying around decades-old burdens.
For the sake of our children, we must cast them aside.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that their behavior was acceptable or that you shouldn’t point out their mistakes.
Simply, for your own good, you must move on.
How much do you love your children?
Stop here for a moment and think about that.
How much do you think your parents love you?
Think about your childhood, the effort and time your parents put into you, every sleepless night they spent over your bed, every day they went to a job they hated so they could feed you.
Think about how much these people still love you today and realize that their love made you the person you are today.
3. Understand that your children are not like you
Just because you, as a child, went through a certain situation, carried a certain burden, doesn’t mean your children have to go through the same thing.
Our job as parents is to give our children a happier childhood, a better foundation on which to build their lives tomorrow.
Be aware of this!
Never compare your childhood with your children’s childhood.
So, how many decades has it been since your childhood?
Despite all this time, you’re not letting go.
You still equate your life with that of your children.
But you have to stop the vicious circle sooner or later.
Otherwise, you’ll never succeed in raising your children in a healthy and secure way.
4. Don’t repeat your parents’ mistakes, learn from them
They say it’s easier to learn from other people’s mistakes, but then why doesn’t anyone?
No matter how hard we try, we always find ourselves in a situation where we start repeating our parents’ parenting mistakes.
It may be natural for us to start raising our children according to an already well-known model, the way our parents raised us.
But this is the biggest mistake we can make.
We are unique and have our own style of upbringing.
It’s not something we’re born with, but something we need to develop.
Educate yourself, read books on education.
It’s the only way to resist what we know.
5. Be the parent you always wanted to be
When we were kids, we all fantasized sometimes about the kind of parents we’d be once we had children of our own.
We knew we didn’t want to repeat our parents’ mistakes.
Think back to those childhood situations.
Go back into the mind of the child you were and remember what you wanted.
Recall the enthusiasm you had and become the parent you always wanted to be.
Your children surely want such a parent.
It’s hard to be a good parent today, when we have so many obligations and are so distracted.
It’s hard to find our own parenting style.
But if we’re not aware of what we want, we’ll soon become what we never wanted to be.
Resisting the burden of your childhood isn’t easy; it’s a task we won’t do just once, but have to repeat every day, every week and every year of our lives.
Being a better parent is something we owe to our children.
Let’s take the first step!