Unfortunately, new mothers have to deal with a lot of criticism.
From society, they’re seen as people who don’t know what they’re doing, and who have to justify everything they do.
From other moms, they’re seen as women who complain about everything and anything, when they should be strong and perfect (just like everyone else).
And from other women, they’re seen as idiots who’ve sacrificed their bodies and their freedom to have a child. What an idea!
In short, life is complex for them!
For example, new mothers are often faced with the challenge of breast-feeding their child in public while hoping that no one will comment on it.
Unfortunately, many people find this outrageous and, as a mother, you may feel the need to apologize.
But you have nothing to apologize for, because it’s something natural and harmless and you’re only doing it for the sake of your baby.
As a mom of three who’s heard just about anything and everything about pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood, I’d like to help you lift your head.
You don’t have to apologize for the decisions you make. And you especially don’t have to apologize for the following nine points:
1. You don’t have to apologize for the way you gave birth.
Only you can decide what’s best for you, and where and how you feel most comfortable giving birth.
What’s more, you’ll probably be surrounded by “experts” who will tell you that your decision is wrong and that they know the only right way to give birth. But it’s not up to them to decide, and you don’t need to justify your choice.
2. You don’t have to apologize for the way you look.
You don’t owe it to anyone to look a certain way. Whether your hair is a mess or you always wear the same clothes, no one has the right to comment on your appearance.
And you don’t have to be in a hurry to “get your body back” and lose weight the second you give birth. Love your body and the fact that it was able to bring your child into the world.
3. You don’t have to apologize for not having a lot of money.
You don’t have to be rich to raise a child well. But when money is scarce, you may feel that your child isn’t getting enough from you.
Yet all your child needs is your love and attention. And if you have enough money to feed and clothe them, don’t feel like you’re failing if you don’t offer them more toys, vacations or certain experiences.
4. You don’t have to apologize for the help you need.
You might think that when you’re a mom, you should know how to take care of your kids all by yourself. So you might feel like you’re failing as a parent if you ask someone for advice or help with babysitting.
But there’s nothing wrong with that, and it doesn’t mean you’re weak. You simply want the best for your child and that’s what counts.
5. You don’t have to apologize for the state of your home.
It’s a mess, but so what? You don’t suddenly become a bad person or a bad mother if there are toys on the floor or dirty dishes in the kitchen.
Taking care of your child can be a full-time job, so don’t blame yourself if you don’t have the time or energy to clean everything up.
And even if you do clean up, your child will probably create another mess within minutes. Don’t feel you have to apologize. That’s just the way kids are.
6. You don’t have to apologize for the way you choose to feed your child.
No one has the right to tell you how to feed your baby. So you don’t have to apologize to anyone who thinks they know better than you what your baby needs.
Whether you choose to breastfeed or use formula instead, the choice is yours alone. As for where you feed your baby, you shouldn’t feel guilty about breastfeeding in public places.
After all, your baby needs to eat and it’s not your problem if people are uncomfortable seeing you breastfeeding.
7. You don’t have to apologize for not always being happy.
Caring for your child 24 hours a day can be physically and emotionally exhausting, and you may not always know what to do and feel helpless.
Being a mother is extremely hard work, so it’s normal to not always feel good.
8. You don’t have to apologize for not attending every event you’re invited to.
When you become a parent, your schedule changes completely. But it remains the same for your friends, and they can still invite you to spend time with them from time to time.
And if you’re busy with your child or just want to relax alone at home, you don’t have to make excuses every time you can’t accept an invitation.
After all, your friends care about you, so they should understand.
9. You don’t have to apologize for needing to be alone from time to time.
Once you’ve given birth, you may feel obliged to spend time with the baby 24/7. And if you need a little time alone, you may feel uncomfortable, like you’re a bad mother.
But you’re not. We all need to take time for ourselves from time to time, and it’s understandable that you need a little time to recharge your batteries.