Most parents don’t want to admit that their children’s behavioral problems are actually linked to the way they’ve been brought up. So they try to get the school or even a psychologist to correct their children’s problematic attitude.
But if they took the time to reflect on their actions, their behavior and the examples they set for their children, they’d have no trouble understanding that their children aren’t problematic.
Parents are!
“My son is out of control!”
“My daughter doesn’t listen to me and doesn’t get her way!”
But let me tell you something: there is no such thing as a problem child. They don’t exist! On the contrary, there are problematic parents, parents in difficulty.
The child is in fact the reflection, the mirror of parental behavior and education. In fact, this is most apparent when the child becomes an adult and begins to form loving relationships.
The parent-child relationship has an enormous impact on the child’s relationship with his/her partner.
The child’s negative, uncontrollable behavior is in fact a distorted or misunderstood reflection of the family in which he or she grew up.
Of course, this harmful attitude can be mitigated or eradicated. Indeed, if parents make positive changes in family relationships and work on their personal problems, the child’s behavior will change.
And all this will have a beneficial effect on the child’s personality. Unfortunately, very few parents take this step. Why is that?
Simply because they don’t want to admit that the problem is theirs. And because they don’t want to admit it, they also refuse to work on their shortcomings.
These are the types of parents who completely ruin their children’s lives. If you recognize yourself in this situation, take action as soon as possible to preserve a healthy balance in your family. And above all, for the sake of your children.
1. Caring parents
With this type of parent, everything is worrying. As soon as they think of their child, they imagine all the worst-case scenarios.
He’ll catch a cold…
Or
He’ll get hurt.
These parents are overprotective. So the child begins to develop irrational fears. He starts to be afraid of everything.
He’s afraid of everything and everyone: the dark, doctors, animals and so on. But where did he learn to be afraid? The worst consequence of all is that such parents raise helpless, incapable children.
They can’t tie their shoelaces, ride a bike, play with others or use a telephone. And since he can’t do anything on his own, he needs help!
So they help him, again and again… which only deepens his lack of self-confidence, his fears, his social handicap.
2. Generous parents
My child should want for nothing. I’ll buy him anything he wants…
This is the motto and life principle of these people. By the way, this doesn’t mean they don’t know what to do with their money.
On the contrary, they are more likely to be ordinary citizens with average or lower incomes. However, they believe that if their child wants something, he should get it, whether he really needs it or not.
These parents constantly confuse love with material goods. Instead of paying attention to the child, giving him their time, rewarding him with their love, giving him warmth and tenderness, they buy him toys and the most expensive ones.
They also hire a nanny, even if they can’t really afford one. And while we’re at it, why not add a private teacher, psychologist, pediatrician, trainer, etc. to the agenda?
Then, when the child grows up, they breathe a sigh of relief:
Finally, he has everything. I can go to work and afford something.
Except that as the child grows, so do the needs. So these parents have to earn money for a car, an apartment, a prestigious university and three hundred other miracles necessary to the formation of a child’s personality.
Of course, if anyone tries to reason with these parents, they’ll surely hear: “When you’re poor, you can’t be happy”.
3. Loser parents
Paradoxically, these parents already seem to have achieved a great deal. However, if you look closely, you’ll see the stigma of unfulfilled desire in their behavior.
Professional sports, a big stage, a podium, individual art exhibitions – none of this gives ambitious moms and dads peace.
In their lives, laziness, lack of motivation, lack of support and other objective reasons have not allowed these wishes to come true.
So they transfer their dreams to their children. As a result, great opportunities open up for their children. They can not only learn, but also do science, sports, etc. for ten hours a day, forget about pointless games and not socialize with their peers.
They become little adults. If, by some miracle, they manage to avoid the general exhaustion of the nervous system, neurosis, they are left with the hope that, in the end, they will realize their dreams.
More precisely, their parents’ dreams, but that doesn’t matter now… does it?!
4. Tired parents
These parents were tired even before the child was born. Armed with illusions about family life and raising a child, but faced, they say, with a difficult and cruel daily life, they suddenly lose interest in married life and their child’s education.
These parents keep repeating: “Don’t run!”, “Don’t climb!”, “Don’t do this, don’t do that”, “Let go of me!”, “Now I’m going to punish you!” and the famous phrase: “I’m dead tired!”.
Remember, the worst thing for a child, and even for an adult, is the neglect of another person, especially when that person is a parent.
And to get attention, children will do anything. It’s vital to them that their parents pay attention to them! It doesn’t matter whether this attention is in a negative form, such as a reprimand or some kind of punishment, or in a positive form.
The child is simply looking for a way to get Mom and Dad’s attention!
5. Perfectionist parents
You’ve got to be the best!
As a rule, these parents have at least two university degrees and dream of a doctorate. But they work as assistants in a company (at best).
They try to enroll the child in the most prestigious day-care center possible, where foreign languages and IT are taught while the child is still in diapers.
When the time comes to enroll the child in school, it’s quite a process. The parents are ready to overcome all obstacles: driving the child all over town, hiring private teachers to keep up the necessary level, and so on.
In their opinion, only great success is enough. Yes, the school program should be the most appropriate, but also the most effective in terms of creating prodigies.
Much to their displeasure, some teachers are completely unaware of their motto and don’t want to understand how special their child is.
On the contrary, they seem to deliberately want to impose on the student subjects that are not important and necessary, but extremely useless and primitive, and thus disturb him, take up his time and lower his average.
6. Manipulative parents
It’s not because of me, it’s because of the child.
For such a parent, the child is a means by which to influence others: spouse, parents, friends. And the more powerless or somatically weak the child, the greater the chances of such a parent influencing other family members.
Sometimes, such parents constantly maintain destruction in the family, linking all existing problems to the child.
And so, from birth, these children are surrounded by problems and grow up in an environment that is not at all conducive to psychological comfort. So they try to escape their reality.
Then, either unconscious defense mechanisms or coping strategies are triggered within them. Moreover, conscious methods of protection against the reality that surrounds them, attempts to rationalize their behavior, avoid thinking about their own actions and the desire to escape loneliness or worry also develop.
And what do parents do? Faced with these and similar types of behavior (including various types of addiction, lack of willingness to learn, propensity for antisocial behavior, etc.), they repeat:
My child is problematic!
But it’s time to face the truth. Ask yourself: are you a problematic parent?