Welcoming a new member of the family can be both rewarding and troublesome.
For many, a baby is the best thing that has happened to them and they cherish the memories of this tiny being as it grows and becomes a child.
However, a lot of couples face difficulties when this huge change happens.
It was only the two of you, living together, having fun. Now, there is another person who is totally dependent on you and who requires a lot of time and energy.
Some couples become so distant and usually argue about
- intimacy
- money
- the correct way of raising the child, etc.
Luckily, everything can be saved and this phase does not have to last so long.
Tips To Improve An Unhappy Marriage After A Baby
Here are some tips you can implement into your marriage and become happier parents for your child and yourself.
1. Prepare For Changes And Accept Them
The best thing you can do as a new parent is to prepare for a change before it even happens.
Read books, and articles, or talk to people with experience so you can learn how to prepare for the new chapter.
It is crucial to know what is coming so you are not surprised or shocked when the baby arrives. Talk to your partner about all the possible problems and how you should react to them so you are prepared properly.
This will ensure understanding between both of you and it will make you communicate more often.
2. Do Not Blame Each Other For Mistakes
As new parents, you will probably make many mistakes that you would not even think are possible.
That is totally normal! Nobody is perfect and you doing your best is perfect enough.
When you start blaming one another for mistakes and problems that may arise, it creates a hostile environment and you are no longer a team.
It is important to stay open-minded and kind to each other so you do not have to argue over problems that are easily solvable.
3. Spend Quality Time Together
When children arrive, it is often said that parents become more distant and they have no time to devote to their relationship.
This is true if you let it be like that. Relationships are always hard work and you need to put your relationship at the top of your priority list.
Children are important and that is unnegotiable, but they also need parents who love each other and enjoy each other’s company.
Try to organize date nights every week, or mini trips every month. You can always hire a babysitter or a family member to help you organize a nice romantic dinner for the only two of you.
4. Avoid Putting Responsibility On One Person
If only one parent is doing everything for the child and the other parent is less involved, it will create an unfair dynamic.
Usually, it is the mothers who are always occupied with children, while men are working.
It is important for both parents to be involved and to enjoy the time with their children. Mothers also need a break and they cannot always be overstimulated and anxious.
Fathers need to know how to do everything for their children so they can take care of them when mom is resting.
Of course, some families have reverse roles, and this rule also applies. When there is fairness, there is happiness and love.
5. Do Not Skip ‘Me’ Time
All parents need to have alone time for their hobbies. These moments make us feel like we are more than just a parent and that we have a life outside of our house.
Try to have at least five hours of ‘me‘ time a week and see how happier your marriage becomes.
See your friends, meet family for lunch, watch a favorite movie with a glass of wine – whatever makes you feel happy and relaxed.
6. Try Not To Be Influenced By Others’ Opinions
When others are involved in how you raise your children, it can be a very tricky game.
Their advice can be quite useful but sometimes, it can create arguments and tension.
If your or your partner’s parents try to tell you how to raise children, it is best to be respectful and politely explain how you do not need guidance.
You are raising your children the way you see fit, and it is important to stay united with your partner on this topic.
7. Talk About Money And Make It Less Stressful
Budgeting and money can be the first problem you encounter.
Diapers, formula, toys, and clothes for your baby are not cheap and it is best you determine a budget that will be spent monthly on these things. Be open about prices and expenses and communicate nicely.
It is a huge change, but after some time, you will adjust. Patience, love, and understanding are all you need.
8. Communicate
Talk. Many couples forget to communicate honestly and to say what bothers them.
It is no shame to feel alienated, disconnected, and sad even when a baby arrives. When you openly communicate, you will be ready to accept each other’s suggestions and critiques.
Try to stay calm when communicating and be understanding. Everything can be solved when we understand each other.
9. Remember To Enjoy Your New Roles
Try to avoid focusing on your problems too much, because whatever we give importance to will grow.
Focus on the beauty of this new stage in life which does not last long. When your baby grows up, you will wish you had enjoyed it more.
Your children will feel it when you are content and happy. Give importance to your new role, enjoy it, and enjoy your partner becoming a new version of themselves.
10. Do Not Forget About Intimacy And Care
Being intimate after welcoming a baby can be quite a challenge. Sleepless nights, breastfeeding, tiredness, and many other factors may play into this.
However, it is healthy to remain intimate and to keep showing love to your partner.
Have a date night where both of you relax and enjoy each other’s company – it will make both of you happy!
11. Work On Creating Memories
Focus on the good days and good times that this new phase brings.
Capture your favorite moments on camera or in a diary, but try to remember this period as a happy one.
This will help you focus on the positives and make you more happy. Remember – life is what we make of it!