The 4 Crazy Fears Of Moms That No One Talks About

Worrying can be healthy!

A momentary worry that pushes us to seek an answer through our discomfort is not harmful.

A woman becoming a responsible mother has a right to feel fear.

There are many questions and not always answers.

But there are worries that serve no purpose except to spoil our happiness.

So worrying for days, weeks and months on end is not healthy!

Fear n° 1: I feel guilty

Being a mother is almost always associated with guilt.

You haven’t done enough of this and too much of that.

The advice given to mothers by doctors and psychologists is often contradictory.

And as a rule, this advice is said in a tone that means “you’re risking a lot if you don’t do it this way. Don’t gamble with your child’s life”.

Let’s say a woman had a baby later in life, in her forties.

She waited too long and the baby had to be conceived by IVF…

That the pregnancy was unplanned…

That the mother-to-be wanted to terminate the pregnancy…

While none of this in itself should be a source of guilt, it seems that this unpleasant, unnecessary and toxic feeling cannot be easily avoided.

We can’t avoid responsibility!

We can’t avoid making mistakes!

Even if we fold our hands and do nothing, we are responsible for doing nothing.

We can learn to forgive ourselves!

In the end, our child will learn from us how to take care of himself.

Fear n° 2: I’m going to hurt the baby

This fear falls into two categories: hurting baby out of ignorance and doing it knowingly.

The latter is not so common, but it happens especially with post-partum depression.

You know the feeling when you imagine you’re standing on a cliff above a precipice and think you’re only one step away from falling into the abyss.

A baby is fragile and small, but we are powerful.

Remember, we can think anything.

What matters is what we want to do and what we plan to do.

This fear arises in people who don’t distinguish their thoughts from their actions.

The logic goes like this: if I think a thought as horrible as dropping my baby, it means I’m a horrible person who would actually do it.

Of course, this has nothing to do with the truth!

We can’t always control the thoughts that come to us.

Our mind senses our fear of certain thoughts and concludes that these thoughts are vitally important as soon as we fear them so much.

As soon as we understand that we can think absolutely what we want and that only what we actually do matters, only then can we relax.

Fear n° 3: I must always do my best

Some mothers worry if they’ve done all they can to make sure the baby is okay.

They worry if the food isn’t organic or if the pediatrician isn’t the best in town.

These moms are honestly afraid they’re not doing enough, even though at first glance, you can see they’re giving more than they should.

It’s as if they have past sins they need to atone for their babies.

Babies are small, but they’re not weak and unprotected.

You probably already know all the common-sense precautions you need to know.

So, surely, every mother knows how to avoid serious mistakes.

Even mistakes are useful, because you won’t repeat them in the future, and you can help other moms avoid them!

So it’s very important that we make mistakes!

I’m not talking about conscious, deliberate mistakes, but those of ignorance, which help us to discover.

When we discover that we’ve been doing something wrong all along, we momentarily feel fear and shame and perhaps anger at ourselves.

These feelings help us to learn and retain the lesson.

And once we’ve learned our lesson, we move on.

A perfect mother would miss so many opportunities to connect with her child through apology and forgiveness.

A perfect mother wouldn’t be perfect for a child at all.

Fear n° 4: I must always be happy

Let’s take the example of a woman who couldn’t get pregnant and, after many IVF attempts, had a baby.

She expected that with the baby would come days of undisturbed happiness and gratitude.

And then came the days when she was tired, angry, irritable, sad.

She felt ungrateful for the happiness she had received and wondered if, in some way, she didn’t deserve it.

It’s important to understand that the desire to be happy all the time is unrealistic.

Our mood changes throughout the day and depends on many factors over which we have no influence.

If we’re sleep-deprived, we’re more likely to be sad and irritable.

You may have noticed that even in the evening, your satisfaction with life is lower and your assessment of the future is more gloomy.

Whereas in the morning, everything seems achievable and makes much more sense.

Of course, we can do a lot of good by changing the way we think.

Take out a notebook and write down whatever comes to mind.

Are you excited about the steaks you’re going to grill for dinner?

Or the weekend you’re planning to spend somewhere nice?

When we’re sad, the part of the brain (or heart, according to some interesting research) where we store happy thoughts is harder to access.

We simply can’t remember that compliment we were sure we’d never forget.

Conclusion

It’s unrealistic to expect to feel the same gratitude for something we wanted so badly, as we did all along.

Life doesn’t work that way!

On the contrary, we take it up a notch, raise the quality of our life, and then it becomes normal for us.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make an effort to cultivate gratitude.

But I can’t blame myself for carrying all the human weaknesses around with me!