5 Tactics Narcissistic Parents Use When They Want To Control You

Narcissistic parents often employ subtle and overt tactics to maintain control over their children. These behaviors can leave lasting impacts, affecting self-esteem and personal growth. Understanding these tactics is crucial for those who are trying to break free from the cycle of control and manipulation.

In this blog post, we’ll explore five common tactics used by narcissistic parents, aiming to shed light on their manipulative nature and help you recognize the signs. By identifying these patterns, you can better navigate your relationship with such parents, fostering healthier interactions and setting boundaries that promote personal well-being.

1. Guilt-tripping

Narcissistic parents often use guilt as a primary tool for control. They might express disappointment in their child’s actions or choices, making the child feel responsible for their parent’s emotions. This tactic can manifest in subtle comments or exaggerated emotional responses, leading the child to constantly seek approval.
The parent may imply that their sacrifices are not appreciated, forcing the child into compliance out of guilt. Over time, this can erode the child’s self-esteem and create an unhealthy dependency. Recognizing this pattern is essential for establishing boundaries and maintaining a sense of self-worth.

2. Gaslighting

Gaslighting involves manipulating someone into doubting their own perceptions and reality. Narcissistic parents may deny events, twist words, or invalidate their child’s feelings to maintain control. This can lead the child to question their own sanity and judgment.
Such manipulation often results in confusion and self-doubt, making it difficult for children to trust their instincts. By constantly undermining the child’s reality, the parent maintains power and prevents the child from asserting independence. To combat this, it is crucial to seek external validation and keep a written record of events to reinforce one’s reality.

3. Triangulation

Triangulation involves creating conflict between individuals to maintain control. A narcissistic parent might pit siblings against each other or involve a third party to manipulate a situation. This strategy keeps others off-balance and dependent on the parent for resolution and approval.
By controlling the narrative, the parent divides relationships and fosters rivalry, ensuring that the focus remains on them. Over time, this can erode trust among family members. Recognizing this tactic allows individuals to avoid falling into traps and encourages open communication with each other to unite against manipulation.

4. Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation used to punish and control. Narcissistic parents may suddenly withdraw communication, leaving the child confused and anxious. This tactic is designed to exert power and pressure the child into submission.
Deprived of emotional support, the child might feel compelled to apologize, even if they have done nothing wrong. This pattern fosters a dependency on the parent’s approval for emotional validation. It is important to resist the urge to appease and instead focus on self-assurance and seeking support from others.

5. Projection

Projection involves attributing one’s own undesirable traits onto another. Narcissistic parents may accuse their children of behaviors they themselves exhibit, such as selfishness or irresponsibility. This tactic deflects attention from their flaws and places the burden on the child.
As a result, the child might internalize these accusations, leading to confusion and self-blame. Understanding this tactic is vital for protecting one’s self-esteem and recognizing the parent’s inability to accept their shortcomings. Encouraging open dialogue and self-reflection can help counteract the damaging effects of projection.