My name is Simon and I’m 21.
I work as a janitor and altar boy.
To tell the truth, in my twenties, I’m absolutely a person under a silver bell: I’m unfit for life.
Mom does everything for me!
I try to be independent, but most of the time, I just can’t do it.
I tell her, “Mom, you don’t have to do this, I’ll do it.
She holds on for five minutes, then takes over.
I wanted to shorten my pants, but Mom said, “How are you going to do that? You’ll ruin them!
I wanted to go and take a photo for my passport, and she came with me.
This kind of situation happens again and again… ad infinitum!
I envy my friends who make their own decisions and do what they want.
The question is: what do I have to do to convince my mother that I can do everything myself?
Don’t expect to convince your mother to change anything…
After all, it’s her way of proving her love for you.
You should ask yourself the following questions: what have I done to make things turn out this way?
How can I allow myself to remain a child?
What have I done to avoid the process of growth, responsibility and problem-solving in life?
Chances are, if you ask yourself these questions honestly, you’ll realize that many things are right for you.
Why did you allow your mom to have such a relationship with you?
If not, you would have already begun to separate yourself psychologically from your mother in the early years (from age 11 to 15).
This process is necessary for every man!
Your task is to realize yourself according to the image that God or the Universe had in mind when creating you.
This may be very different from the way your parents see it.
If the crisis of youth (ages 11-15) is experienced in time and correctly, then the transition is made to more mature relationships with parents.
Obviously, you’re somewhat “stuck” in this process.
But now the separation should begin, and there’s a lot you can change.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!
The word crisis implies that a situation has arisen that needs to be resolved in order to reach another, more mature level of development.
You need to start by having a serious and honest discussion with your mother about this.
But as I wrote at the beginning, you mustn’t expect the “crisis” to be resolved by talking.
You’ll have to start doing things you’ve been avoiding until now.
How do you stop being a mummy’s boy?
To achieve independence, you have to admit and accept the idea that you’re a mama’s boy.
Admittedly, the term has a negative connotation, but you don’t have to be afraid of it.
Nothing you’ve done up to now is written in stone, so you can change your life to suit your desires.
It’s perfectly normal to have a close and loving relationship with your mother, but if you feel your bond is toxic, you need to react.
Especially if it’s causing you difficulties in your personal or social life, or if you simply want to become more independent.
If you want to achieve your independence, here are the steps you need to take:
1. Self-awareness
Think about your relationship with your mother and how it affects your life.
Ask yourself if it has negative consequences or if you feel too dependent on her.
2. Set limits
Set healthy limits with your mother!
This means defining what is acceptable in your relationship and what is not.
It’s important to preserve your independence and individuality, while valuing your bond with her.
3. Develop your independence
Take steps to become more independent.
This may mean making your own decisions, managing your finances and accomplishing daily tasks without depending on your mother’s help.
4. Pursue your interests
Focus on your own hobbies, interests and goals outside your relationship with your mother.
This will help you develop your own identity and reduce your dependency.
5. Seek support
If you’re having trouble letting go of your role as Mommy’s boy, consider talking to a therapist or counselor.
They can help you explore underlying issues and give you advice on how to become more independent.
6. Create other relationships
Spend time and effort building relationships with friends, family and romantic partners.
This will help you diversify your support network and not depend solely on your mother for emotional support.
7. Communicate openly
Have an open and honest conversation with your mother about your desire to become more independent.
Let her know that you value your relationship, but also want to grow as an individual.
8. Take responsibility
Accept responsibility for your actions and decisions.
It’s important to understand that becoming less dependent on your mother means taking charge of your life.
9. Set goals
Set yourself specific goals, both short- and long-term.
This will give you a goal and a direction to follow as you become more independent.
10. Be patient and consistent
Changing long-held behaviors can take time, so be patient with yourself.
Work constantly to develop your independence and stop being a mama’s boy.
How will your mom react?
This change of situation can be a double-edged sword!
A mother’s reaction to her son no longer wanting to be a mummy’s boy can vary considerably depending on his personality, upbringing and particular circumstances.
- Support and understanding
A mother can understand that her son is growing up and becoming more independent.
She can appreciate his desire to assert his individuality and respect his decisions.
- Hurt or disappointed
Some mothers may feel hurt or disappointed if they have a strong bond with their son and he begins to distance himself emotionally or physically.
They may wonder if they’ve done something wrong, or if he doesn’t value their relationship.
- Respect for independence
Many mothers are proud that their son wants to be independent and self-reliant.
They can encourage him to explore the world and make his own choices.
- Concern
If a mother perceives her son’s desire not to be a mummy’s boy as rejection or a sign of trouble, she can express her concern and try to better understand his reasons.
She can worry about his well-being.
- Encouraging communication
Some mothers may encourage open and honest communication, in the hope of better understanding their son’s point of view and maintaining a healthy relationship based on trust and mutual respect.
- Respecting limits
Mothers who respect their son’s limits and choices are likely to have a more positive reaction.
They can give him the space he needs while reassuring him of their love and support.
- Reflection and self-examination
A mother can use this time to reflect on her own role in her son’s life and ask herself whether she has been too controlling or possessive.
This reflection can lead to personal development and a healthier relationship in the long term.