Hardly any other subject is so hotly debated among parents as parenting methods.
In this context, an increasingly common parenting style is both remarkable and controversial: lawnmower parents!
Apparently, we’re done with helicopter parents, a new generation is coming along and it’s doing some serious damage.
Two weeks ago, my best friend, who is a primary school teacher, received a note from the parents of one of her pupils:
The math homework was unsolvable for us, so Benoît didn’t do any homework.
This parental statement contains some interesting, if short, information.
If you look closely, there’s a clear message behind this note: this student’s homework seems to be a family matter.
Let me set the record straight right away: there’s nothing wrong with parents helping their kids with their homework.
In fact, I think it’s great!
The point of this note, however, is that parents want to resolve the homework conflict for the child.
They use their authority to override his.
And they don’t want the child to tackle the problem himself.
However, this is harmless.
Some parents regularly do their children’s homework.
In this way, they play it safe: their children get good grades and shine in front of their teachers.
What they completely forget, however, is that the children do relatively poorly in exams, so the benefit of homework is cancelled out.
The most important point, however, is that the ones who suffer are the children.
There’s a term for these parents: lawnmower parents!
Who are lawnmower parents?
Lawnmower parents literally “mow down” their children’s conflicts.
Hence the term “lawnmower parents”, a reference to the lawnmower.
They often intervene in their children’s social problems and everyday encounters, resolving them for their little ones.
Thus, lawnmower parents do whatever it takes to protect their children from setbacks, arguments or failures.
Instead of preparing their children for challenges, they knock down obstacles so that their children don’t even feel them.
As a result, lawnmower parents are a step ahead of helicopter parents, who simply “circle around their child” to protect them from danger.
Lawnmower parents, on the other hand, eliminate potential conflicts or challenges in their children’s social lives.
Consequences of lawnmower parenting styles
Every form of parenting leaves its mark on children.
Experts agree on the form of conflict elimination that children who experience virtually no conflict in early childhood will quickly develop significant problems.
1. Inability to make decisions
Children who have always been looked after will be unable to make decisions and solve life’s daily challenges on their own.
Instead, tasks are abandoned and thrown away because the frustration of not finding a solution is too great.
2. Panic when powerless
The challenges that arise can cause real panic and anxiety, or lead the child to isolate himself, because the conflict seems overwhelming.
Some educators even predict that children of lawnmower parents develop such a fear of their own failure that psychological problems arise.
3. Coping mechanisms
These psychological consequences can lead children to blame others rather than themselves.
Another possible reaction, however, is emotional withdrawal on the part of the child.
4. Lack of motivation
A certain lack of motivation can quickly develop in children of lawnmower parents, as they have virtually no motivation of their own.
After all, they’re used to their parents resolving their conflicts.
5. Sense of incompetence
Another important aspect is the psychological consequence of feeling “not up to the job”.
Constant parental intervention can teach children that they are simply incapable of resolving conflicts on their own.
Moreover, an ultimate consequence of overprotective parenting is that their children find it hard to control their emotions and behavior.
They also often have trouble making friends.
Yet conflict is important for a child’s development.
Contrary to what lawnmower parents think, problem situations are extremely important for children’s development.
After all, experience and conflict management transform children into strong personalities.
Sometimes, setbacks and disappointments are necessary.
What’s more, the experience of finding a solution yourself is extremely important to a child’s development.
However, if he never learns to deal with conflict, he will probably never have the courage to tackle difficult situations later on.
Missteps are part of life, and children in particular need to learn this.
So parents shouldn’t be disappointed when something goes wrong or their children get a bad mark.
At such times, the feeling of togetherness and support is important!
How to behave as a parent?
The explanation for this overprotective behavior is probably parents’ fear that their child will fail.
Or that poor school results, for example, will lead to your child being marginalized by his or her classmates.
Parents want to protect their children from negativity.
This is certainly also due to society’s ever-increasing pressure to always be the best.
However, as the consequences of this controlling behavior listed above show, this is not the path to the “perfect life”.
Instead of seeing themselves as their children’s “partners”, who always do their homework with them and are always there to help in times of difficulty, parents should learn to trust their children.
This trust leads to independence in children, as it gives them the feeling that they can rely on their own abilities and that they are capable of solving problems on their own.
As a parent, suppress your fear that your child might fail.
Show them that you trust them.
This starts with daily homework – although of course you can always be there to help.
Because in this way, children, shaped by their own experiences, become the great personalities within them.