If Your Child Is The Only Source Of Your Happiness, You Have A Problem.

If your child is the barometer of your happiness, you’re stuck in a vicious circle.

Are you familiar with the principle of the network family?

It’s a term used when there are no emotional boundaries between family members.

Although many parents think it’s healthy to spend time with their children non-stop and to have full insight into what they’re doing when they’re not present, science says otherwise in some cases.

Intensive orientation of family members towards each other increases support, but also dependency.

On the other hand, curiosity and exploration of the world outside the family nest diminish.

Situations can arise when an adult son or daughter, despite already having families of their own, cannot make a major (or even minor) decision in agreement with their partner, but must consult their parents instead.

The insecurity shown by adults in these situations may be a consequence of the networking of their primary family, i.e. the one in which the person grew up.

The networked family not only consists of close relationships between parents and children, but is also characterized by limited independence.

Precisely because children can’t distinguish between their own emotions and those of their parents, it’s here that the boundary of identity is lost the most.

This type of family functioning becomes a serious problem for children learning to regulate their emotions, as they cannot distinguish between their own feelings and those of their parents.

What does a networked family look like?

At first, you may think you’re simply creating a close-knit family with members who can rely on each other.

In principle, this is a nice idea and the ultimate goal of many parents, but in practice, you’re creating an unhealthy environment.

As parents, you’re only happy when you’re with your children and know what they’re doing.

Children, on the other hand, don’t know how to distinguish their needs, desires and feelings from those of other family members.

To find out if you’re creating a networked family, take a look at the following signs.

Here’s what a networked family looks like:

Your child is your only goal in life

Your whole life revolves around your child, and you see him or her as an extension of yourself.

Nothing can make you happier than playing with him or controlling his every move.

In fact, you can’t help but tell other parents that they aren’t present and attentive enough to their own children.

You spend time with your child all the time, except when he’s at school.

This is not a situation where children are very young and need constant supervision.

Sometimes you deprive your child of playing with other children, simply to have him near you.

In fact, he doesn’t have many extracurricular activities because his role in life is to make you happy.

Taking care of your children’s needs at the expense of your own

Of course, when children are small, it’s normal for their needs to come first because it’s a matter of life and death.

But later in life, your child is capable of telling you what’s wrong and understanding that you need time for yourself.

For example, you don’t go to the doctor because of an illness, because you need to help your child prepare a play.

You assess the value of your personality in terms of your child’s behavior and achievements

If he’s “obedient” and “successful”, then you’re successful too, and vice versa.

In most cases, parents who form a network family are hidden narcissists who see their children as extensions of themselves.

This explains why they find it so hard to accept their children’s failures or shortcomings.

Your child is the barometer of your happiness

You only feel good when you’re with your child, when you play with him or when he shows you that he’s dependent on you.

As soon as he mentions the idea of moving away from you, playing with friends or going out, you become anxious.

This creates a lot of stress for you!

No family member respects each other’s limits

For example, you want to know at all costs what has happened to the child during the day, and even if the child doesn’t want to tell you, you insist until he gives in.

You spy on him and you don’t tolerate him having a private life or secrets.

In fact, you keep telling him that family is the most important thing in life.

Over time, as the children in these families grow up, they see this relationship with their parents as an obligation and a burden they don’t know how to handle.

They often feel guilty for rudely interrupting their parents’ insistence that they discover every detail of their day at school or when they weren’t in their parents’ company.

Networked family: how to get out of this situation?

Even if you notice the signs of a networked family, it’s not too late to react.

We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on progress.

Anything is possible if you’re aware of the situation you find yourself in, and if you’re willing to make the necessary efforts to change it.

Having a networked family isn’t as healthy as you might think; you’re setting your children up for a life of doubt and failure.

To create a healthier environment, here’s what you can do:

Take care of yourself

It’s important to have time for your hobby or passion.

This will show your child that you value yourself and want to have your time and develop your personal interests.

This is a great example to set for your child, as it will encourage them to follow their dreams and desires.

Offer to help your child

Stop trying to solve all your child’s problems and jumping to his or her rescue as soon as there’s a little worry.

Provide support, but don’t give your child specific instructions on exactly what to do in a given situation.

You can give him advice, guides or tips, but you have to let him work it out for himself.

Teach your child to carry out daily activities independently, without your interference.

This includes extra-curricular activities, household chores and anything else that revolves around his needs.

It’s important to teach him not to rely on you to choose his clothes, prepare his check-up or wash the dishes.

Teach your child that he or she is an active member of the family who needs to contribute.

Learn to respect privacy

Don’t insist that he tell you all the details of his life when you’re not around!

Just as you wouldn’t want your child to bombard you with questions on subjects you don’t want to discuss with him, he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you about everything.

I know this may frustrate or worry you as parents, but giving your child freedom will teach him to take care of himself.

Consult a psychologist or psychotherapist about your fears, to create a healthy environment for your child.