Many parents have seen their children speak untruths.
Parents often react by reprimanding their child.
However, you can’t force your child to tell the truth.
It’s much more useful to understand why your child lies, and to help him or her overcome it.
1. Your child is afraid of punishment
Fear is the most common reason why children tell lies.
As soon as children internalize the first mechanisms of cause and effect, they understand that after a mistake, there’s a consequence.
It therefore makes sense to deny the mistake in order to avoid the consequences.
In families where children are punished more severely, a child is more likely to lie.
2. Your child doesn’t want to disappoint you
Many children tell lies because they don’t want to disappoint their parents.
They understand their parents’ expectations and that they haven’t been able to meet them.
The greater the pressure to perform within the family, the more likely this is.
3. Your child wants to impress
Cute preschooler child is admiring of black kitten lying on a bench in public park. Cute boy is looking at homeless cat. Boy petting and take care a black tomcat
Sometimes children describe a situation in such a way that the basic story is true, but many of the details surrounding the story are invented.
Usually, these details are particularly important and brilliant.
This case applies especially to children who don’t feel significant and important enough themselves.
4. Your child has seen the situation differently
We all look at a situation from a certain angle.
It can also happen that your child is not lying, but simply interpreting the situation differently.
So it’s not a lie at all, but a different (sometimes distorted) understanding of the situation.
5. Your child can’t process something
In some situations, imagination can be used strategically to deal with an offensive situation.
Your child is not lying on purpose.
He may not be able to accept the truth and create a reality he can cope with.
How do you deal with a lying child?
For none of these causes would scolding and punishment be appropriate.
Patience and consistency are needed.
Most importantly, it takes time to work on the relationship with your child.
1. Stay calm and respond appropriately.
Yelling or swearing may help you let off steam.
But your child may be afraid of such reactions.
Control your reactions to your child’s unfavorable behavior.
When a child knows that a parent’s reaction will be very strong, he or she is more likely to try to avoid it (=lie).
Instead of punishing your child for what has already happened, it’s better to look for solutions together.
This doesn’t mean that your child shouldn’t feel the consequences.
It just means that he or she should have a chance to make amends to some extent.
2. Don’t provoke your child!
If you ask a child something you already know, you’re subconsciously encouraging them to lie.
So it’s best not to ask about the fact, but rather to deal with the fact if possible.
That’s how you help your child emerge from the situation with dignity.
3. Keep asking about the cause of the lie.
Instead of catching your child in a lie, keep asking yourself why your child is lying.
In a calm, caring tone, ask your child if it’s really true or just a story.
4. Praise your child when he or she tells the truth.
When your child confesses something that makes him or her uncomfortable, it’s quite an achievement.
Your child is facing his or her fears and accepting the consequences.
That’s very commendable.
It’s also a sign of self-confidence.
Especially when your child admits to lying.
It must be “worth it” for your child to tell the truth.
If your child gets into trouble in both situations, it’s best to postpone the anger (maybe he doesn’t even realize it?).
5. Learn from your mistakes!
Mistakes are part of life.
Only those who do nothing make mistakes.
You can learn from all your mistakes and enrich your experience.
These are important messages to pass on to your child.
Your child will always make mistakes.
It’s best to learn how to deal with them as early as possible.
6. Show your child your unconditional love and support.
Your children need to know that they are always loved.
Not only when they do everything right, but also when you’re not satisfied with their behavior and performance.
And even then your love doesn’t diminish.
This unconditional acceptance creates trust and security.
Your child feels more likely to cope with difficult situations.
7. Be a role model yourself!
Never forget that children are watching you closely.
Don’t get caught in “a little white lie”.
Your child will never forget it, and will make it part of his or her behavioral repertoire.
8. Avoid stigmatization!
Even if your child already lies a lot, it’s no good calling him a liar.
Either your child is upset and your relationship suffers.
Or your child adopts his little name and therefore his role as a liar, and the whole situation becomes even more difficult.
9. Don’t tell anyone that your child has lied to you.
Especially not when your child is with you.
This is a family matter that concerns no one outside the family.
You’re strong enough to handle this situation yourself with your child.
You don’t need advice from neighbors, colleagues or aunts.
However, if you feel overwhelmed and need advice, it’s best to seek professional advice.
10. Support your child’s self-esteem.
If your child is confident, there’s no need to deceive anyone.
Encourage your child to believe in his or her own strengths, understand his or her dignity and have a positive outlook on life.