How Can You Instill Good Work Habits In Your Children?

No matter how much a parent enjoys working, they should know that work is unpleasant for every child, even for them as a child. So how do work habits develop?

Parents need to know the psychology of a small child, so they can understand him, explain things in a way he can understand, anticipate his possible reaction, and of course, better influence his development.

This is particularly important for the development of work habits, which, according to some research, are far more important for success later in life than other personality traits.

What are your child’s needs and desires?

Young children believe in their bodies, that is, in what they feel in their bodies. For example, when the body sends a “hunger” signal, the child intuitively knows that it’s necessary to eat something.

And while this system works quite well when it comes to meeting the child’s needs, the problem arises when it comes to the child’s wishes and other motives. One way of distinguishing needs from wants is that when a child has a want, we ask ourselves whether his or her life will be endangered in any way if we deny him or her what he or she wants.

If the answer is yes, it’s a question of need, and if the answer is no, it’s a question of desire.

The principle of satisfaction

Precisely because he trusts his body, the child only wants to do what feels good in his body, and avoids all those activities that are uncomfortable.

This motivational system is natural and therefore characteristic of animals. It was described by Sigmund Freud, who called it the “pleasure principle”. The parents’ task is to influence the child to construct a different motivational system, which Freud called the “reality principle”.

And this simply means that the child stops relying exclusively on what he feels, but starts to respect his reason and evaluate whether something is useful or harmful. Since the child is not capable of controlling himself and his desires, parents have to control him by steering him in a certain direction and forbidding him certain behaviors.

The aim is for the child to understand what was previously incomprehensible, i.e. that there are pleasures that are harmful and inconveniences that are useful. Brushing teeth, cleaning toys and similar activities are certainly uncomfortable for a child.

This of course also applies to learning and homework.

Work is uncomfortable for a child

For parents to force a child to perform an activity on a regular basis, they need to assimilate the reality principle and the pleasure principle. Without this external pressure, the child simply won’t develop a work habit.

There are many types of this educational pressure, and what is characteristic of all of them is that they are unpleasant for the child. When the discomfort of this external pressure becomes greater than the discomfort of the activity the parent is demanding of the child, the child gives up and begins to behave in the required manner.

Explaining the benefits of the new behavior is mandatory, but not sufficient to get the child to start behaving as you would like.

It’s important that there are no concessions, because if the parent gives in once, the child will think every time that maybe this will be the time when he doesn’t have to do what’s asked. But once the habit is established, the work is no longer uncomfortable.

The advantage of the work habit is precisely that when it occurs, then a certain activity is no longer unpleasant or repulsive to the child. He simply does what he has to do.

Even if the mechanism is reversed, the child is uncomfortable if he doesn’t do what he’s used to. So it’s a question of both hygiene habits and cleaning habits, as well as the habit of learning, which is particularly important for schoolchildren.

When I say that work isn’t unpleasant, I don’t mean that it’s enjoyable. Job satisfaction can come later, when someone becomes a master at what they do and starts to enjoy it.

Yet sometimes, if you force your child too much, he may get the impression that you don’t like him.

And that can hurt you deeply!

Young children think that when you don’t let them do what they want, you don’t love them. This is a perfectly normal phase, because children can’t distinguish between their desires, so when you reject one of their desires, they think you’ve rejected it.

And when you’re a little child, the most important thing in your life is that Mom (and Dad) love you. And so, although some children react dramatically when their parents force them to do something that makes them uncomfortable, the parent must persevere.

He or she can show love, but must always insist that the child do what is necessary. Through the behavior of a parent who perseveres and says: “Precisely because I love you, I demand that you do this regularly”, the child will later learn that demanding the unpleasant does not exclude love.

Many parents succeed by turning an unpleasant task into fun and games. And this kind of “gentle compulsion” is a good way if it doesn’t take up a lot of energy and time.

Since there will come a time in the child’s future life when he’ll have to do something that’s uncomfortable for him and can’t be put in the context of pleasure, he’ll still have to face a useful unpleasantness-type task.