Parents in particular who have experienced too little affection themselves in childhood find it hard to give affection to their children.
This doesn’t mean that they don’t love their children, but expressing this love through hugs or loving words is often difficult.
Fortunately, affection is a skill that can be learned if, for whatever reason, it doesn’t really represent the relationship you have with your child.
When you notice signs of a lack of love in children, it’s extremely important to close this gap as soon as possible, because no child deserves to have to beg for love and attention.
Immediately after birth, intimate physical contact with mom and dad is the most important thing and should take place as often as possible.
An emotional and very intimate bond is formed between the newborn and his or her parents, which ideally lasts a lifetime.
In the first minutes after birth, the child seeks security, protection, food and warmth in order to survive.
As soon as parents respond to their baby’s needs and give him or her attention, love and nourishment, this is called bonding, which will strengthen over the weeks and months to come.
With bonding, the first cornerstone of basic trust and independence is laid, and the baby feels that he’s not alone and that he’s being cared for.
What’s more, children learn to trust others and go through life openly and positively.
You should never let your baby cry, even if this practice was once fashionable.
Babies have no other way of attracting attention and need to cry when they’re hungry, thirsty, in pain or too hot or cold.
By letting your baby cry, basic trust is broken, which is essential for the rest of life.
Babies need to be cared for and comforted immediately so that an intimate bond and trust with parents can develop.
In addition to physical contact, cuddling and responding to needs, the bond can be nurtured by talking to and breastfeeding the baby.
Frequent eye contact is also important.
If bonding could not begin immediately after birth, which may be the case after an emergency caesarean section, general anaesthesia or post-delivery medical treatment, it is possible to create the bond afterwards.
As soon as the child feels your love and affection and physical contact takes place, there’s nothing to stop the relationship from succeeding, even if it sometimes can’t begin immediately after delivery.
1. Respect and appreciation
Once children are older, the satisfaction of basic innate needs is no longer enough, and parental appreciation and respect are added.
Children need to feel that their wants and needs are taken seriously, and that they are seen as independent individuals.
By including your child in your daily routine and asking for his or her opinion or suggestions, your child will feel respected and taken seriously.
Of course, you’re not obliged to carry out every one of your child’s wishes and put every idea into practice, but by including them and appreciating them, you’ll boost their self-confidence and self-esteem in the long term.
At the same time, your child will learn to express his or her opinions and defend them if necessary.
2. Unconditional love and support
Children want to be loved by their parents, just as they are and with all their particularities.
If they experience this unconditional love from their parents, they can look back on a good, detached relationship in adulthood, and form and maintain relationships with other people.
Another very important task for parents is to always stand behind their children, supporting them and lifting them up after a defeat.
Children grow from both positive and negative experiences, and thus develop their personalities.
It’s also perfectly normal for children to make mistakes.
So let your child understand that mistakes and defeats are part of life and help them to do better next time and to learn from them.
For example, if your child has poor grades, it’s important to comfort him or her and ask exactly where he or she needs support.
In all cases, you must refrain from punishing or threatening your child, so as not to create a climate of fear.
Such behavior will only prevent your child from turning to you with his problems and seeking your advice in the future.
3. Set limits and rules
It’s important to show your child the limits and provide a framework within which he or she can move and develop freely.
Children need clear rules and limits to help them find their way in everyday life and society.
In addition, limits and rules give children security and protection, and provide support and direction in life.
Children have an innate need to discover and explore, which is why it’s important to set rules to protect them as much as possible from dangers and risks.
Nevertheless, the rules and limits set must make sense and not affect children too much, otherwise development will suffer.
4. Ritual
Young children in particular need rituals in their daily lives, as they provide support and strengthen the bond with their parents over the long term.
For example, eating together, reading a bedtime story, singing songs, brushing teeth before bed or other evening rituals provide a reliable structure that the child can use as a guide.
What’s more, shared rituals are very important for children in terms of their relationship with their parents.