Parenthood can be frustrating and confusing.
Sometimes you feel overwhelmed by all your obligations.
Other times, you find it hard to think rationally enough to respond calmly to your children.
Besides, you know that your children challenge you every day.
They scream, fight and cry… In short, they make a lot of noise!
And noise is an anxiety trigger for parents.
Often, you wonder if you’ve failed as a parent because your children seem indomitable.
They’re terrible and you’re losing control over them.
In your unstable emotional state, you don’t understand that this behavior is typical of children who are developing well.
Children can’t grow, learn and evolve by sitting still.
They need to run and explore to develop.
But with the stress of work, fatigue and numerous obligations, you find it hard to keep calm.
You yell at your children and can even adopt aggressive behavior.
That’s why today I’m going to give you seven reminders.
Under stress, you can easily forget the limits, rules and goals you’ve set.
To work on your emotions, manage your frustration and respond calmly to your children, you most certainly need these reminders.
Reminder No. 1: The expectations you have for your children must be realistic
Not only must expectations be age-appropriate, they must also be achievable.
For example, you can’t expect a six-year-old to be able to make his own lunch.
Just as you can’t expect your child to excel in all school subjects.
Realistic expectations enable children to become more independent and responsible, while recognizing that they still need adult guidance and support.
When it comes to teenagers, realistic expectations help children develop their identity, values and goals, while recognizing that they face new challenges and pressures.
If you set unrealistic expectations for your children, they will become stressed and anxious.
And that will prevent them from succeeding in life.
Reminder No. 2: Your child’s behavior is not a personal attack or a reflection of your parenting.
Whatever your child does, he or she is not trying to upset or hurt you.
Never forget that your child doesn’t yet have the ability to discern right from wrong, and can’t make a logical connection between cause, consequence and feeling.
Besides, just because your child is wild doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent.
Many factors come into play when it comes to determining why your little one acts the way he does:
- The child’s temperament
Some children are naturally more active, extroverted or sensitive than others, regardless of their upbringing.
- Genetics play a decisive role
Studies have shown that certain traits, such as impulsivity, aggressiveness and anxiety, can be inherited from parents or other family members.
- Childhood environment
Factors such as poverty, neighborhood violence or exposure to toxins can have negative effects on a child’s development and behavior, even if his or her parents provide a loving and supportive home.
- The child’s experiences
Traumatic events, such as abuse or neglect, can have lasting effects on a child’s behavior, even if his or her parents provide a warm and caring environment.
Reminder No. 3: You need to take a break when you’re feeling frustrated or angry
When your boss tells you that your project doesn’t meet his expectations, you don’t start shouting at him.
You pause to calm down, take a deep breath and then come back with your questions.
Well, you need to do the same with your children.
Taking a break when you’re feeling frustrated can be beneficial for a number of reasons:
- Taking a break allows us to get away from the situation and reduce our stress levels, which can help us feel calmer and more relaxed.
- Getting away from a frustrating situation can help us to step back and think more clearly.
- Taking a break can help us avoid making the situation worse and saying or doing something we might regret later.
In this way, you can respond appropriately to your children.
Reminder No. 4: Challenging limits is a normal and healthy part of your child’s development
We’ve already covered this quick point, but I’ll do a quick reminder.
Your child needs to challenge you, test the limits and discover how far he can go to learn.
This helps him understand what makes you tick and whether you’re consistent in what you say.
Your child isn’t trying to enrage you or take control of the situation.
It’s just that this is an important stage in his development and evolution.
You should be more concerned if your child sits quietly all day, without playing or jumping up and down.
This means he has neither the will nor the energy to discover his environment or to learn.
Reminder No. 5: It’s important to set and enforce limits
It’s important to set limits for children for several reasons.
Limits give children a sense of structure and predictability.
They know what is expected of them and what is forbidden, which can create a sense of stability and security.
Moreover, children learn to take responsibility for their actions thanks to limits.
When they know what’s expected of them and the consequences of breaking them, they’re more inclined to take responsibility for their behavior.
What’s more, children who understand and respect limits are more likely to develop positive, respectful relationships with peers and adults.
This applies both to the limits you set and those you teach your child to set for themselves.
Finally, limits can also help children develop good self-esteem.
When they know their limits are respected and appreciated, they’re more likely to feel confident and secure about themselves and their relationships with others.
Reminder No. 6: Remember that you’re more successful when you respond rationally to your child.
If you yell at your child, you’ll encourage aggressive behavior.
If you use corporal punishment, you’re sending the message that violence is acceptable.
So, if you want your child to be respectful and responsible, you need to set an example.
Instead of reacting out of anger, take the time to find a more appropriate approach.
Repetition is your best friend in this case!
Talk to your children and explain the cause-and-effect relationship.
Reminder no. 7: You can set limits while respecting your child’s feelings
You can say “no” to what he does, while saying “yes” to his emotions.
When setting limits for a child, it’s important to take his feelings and point of view into account to make sure he’s respected and heard.
So, when you set a limit, explain the reason for it in an age-appropriate way.
This helps them understand why the limit is necessary and encourages them to respect it.
If the child expresses concern or disagrees with a limit, listen to his concerns and try to understand what he means.
That way, you can adjust your expectations.
Also, use positive language when setting limits, such as “we talk nicely to others” instead of “don’t be mean”.
Ask for opinions and suggestions, and work together to find solutions that work for everyone.
Finally, consistency is essential when setting limits.
Make sure you enforce limits consistently and provide consequences if they’re not respected.