Do you have a teenager between the ages of 12 and 18? Here’s all the advice I can give you on how to raise a happy, healthy child.
I have three children. And my daughter was born four years before her brothers. One day, while we were on a long car journey, she had a major tantrum.
She was screaming and stamping her feet, so I had trouble concentrating on the road. I stopped and tried to calm her down. Honestly, I didn’t even understand why she was crying. Or rather, screaming.
After a few moments, I realized that she was upset because she couldn’t put her shoe back on after it had fallen off by itself. Yes, that simple little detail had pushed her over the edge.
I thought to myself, what a way to go through adolescence!
So I turned to her and said, “You know, you can choose to be happy!
And then, through her tears, she replied with impressive calm, “I don’t want to be happy”.
Pow, like a knife in the stomach!
It can be miserable to be around someone who’s unhappy. Especially when it’s a “choice”. Our nature as parents is to do everything we can to make our child happy.
In fact, our own happiness is intrinsically linked to that of our child. So we worry. We don’t want to see our child suffer, even if it’s for something we consider trivial.
Finally, I realized that I can’t make my child happy. All I can do is encourage and support her to choose to be happy.
I can show her the way…
Now that she’s entered the dreaded teenage phase, here are the 9 tips I received from my mother that I’m applying.
I suggest you follow them too.
1. Set clear and fair rules and limits
It may sound strange, but it’s harder to be happy when we feel that things are constantly changing or that we have to be on our guard.
When your teenager knows what to expect, he/she can concentrate on other things. Routine and predictability are extremely important at this age.
2. Listen to your teenager
Another thing that makes you happy is feeling appreciated and important. While there are limits to how far you can go as a parent, allowing your teenager to have his or her say on certain things shows him or her that you value his or her opinion.
Identify the few things that are non-negotiable, but be flexible about everything else. This becomes increasingly important as your teenager gets older.
3. Practice positive attention
Contact with loved ones is one of the most important ways of creating happiness. Even a few minutes a day can go a long way!
So, if your child is taking part in a sporting activity or any other event, go with him/her. Your presence shows him/her that you’re interested in what he/she’s doing. Ask about his/her friends and organize activities that are just for you.
4. Apply positive feedback
Teenagers are surrounded by so much negativity. This negativity comes from the behavior of other teens and the people around them, in general. But it also comes from within their minds.
So to help your teen, text, leave notes, point out things he/she has done well and avoid negative comments as much as possible.
5. Create fun family rituals
Rituals strengthen family ties and give us something to look forward to. They can also help us remember the good times we’ve had together, which can make us happy when we’re feeling stressed, sad or overwhelmed.
My teenager has been very fond of nostalgia lately, and I’ve seen her listening to music from old TV shows she used to watch and sitting with her brothers around movies they watched together years ago.
6. Help your teen discover his or her strengths
How can your teen have a positive impact on the world and do good? What is he/she good at? What does he/she like to do?
What motivates him/her and keeps him/her motivated? You can point these things out to him/her verbally, or ask him/her to help you do things you know he/she is good at.
7. Teach your teenager to set goals
Happiness comes when we grow, learn and work to achieve something. We’re not meant to sit back and take up space… no matter what your teen thinks.
You certainly can’t force your teenager to set goals and achieve them, but you can show them how, talk to them about your own goals, or encourage them to try something new.
You don’t have to call it “goal-setting” if it doesn’t suit your child. Be creative and help your child discover the joy of progress and improvement.
8. Give your teenager opportunities to serve others and show kindness.
These two things give us a major boost to lasting happiness. There’s a lovely quote: “Happiness is like jam. You can’t spread it, even a little, without getting some on yourself.”
Do nice things as a family, point out opportunities, find ways your teen can serve that are immediately rewarding or really mean something to someone, get them involved in the community if you can, ask them to help you prepare a meal or a treat to take to someone.
9. Help your teenager take care of his or her physical health
Eliminate screens before bedtime, prepare healthy meals and snacks, remind your teen to drink water from time to time, engage in physical activities as a family.
It’s hard to be happy when you’re hungry and tired! In fact, it even plays a role in mood. By the way, don’t you scream more when you’re exhausted or hungry?
Bonus: practice gratitude together
We can add a lot of happiness to our lives by simply being grateful for what we have. Ask your teen what they’re thankful for at dinner, tell them what you’re thankful for, write thank-you notes to people, offer them a gratitude journal if you think they’ll write in it from time to time, and so on.