Choosing to be a single mom seems like something no one would do. But, with so many different women in the world with different stories, anything is possible.
Parenting is a gift for most people because human beings feel the need to create new humans. Parents and their children have that unique bond and many people want it. In modern days, there are many ways to accomplish that goal.
A woman doesn’t need a perfect partner or a family to have a child. There are other ways too.
This article will tell you more about choosing to be a single mom. You will hear a few inspiring and interesting stories that will help you to understand this choice. Being a single mother or a single parent is very difficult, but it’s also very special.
Choosing To Be A Single Mom
Jackie Molloy is a New York Times storyteller who learned everything about becoming a single mom by choice. She was a part of the journey because 4 women wanted to share their experiences.
Jackie showed us that a happy family doesn’t have to be a traditional family. Her story of these 4 women is quite inspiring, and I want to share it and tell it from my point of view too.
Sarah McKnight – Mountainside, New Jersey
Sarah McKnight is a pilot who had it all, except a child she desperately wanted. She dreamed of finding the perfect guy, and she dreamed of starting a family with him.
But, she was getting older and the dates were awful. She realized that she had to take care of herself.
She realized that she had to accomplish her dreams. Luckily, she was strong and confident. She decided that she didn’t need a man to have a child. She doesn’t need a partner.
She went through many fertility procedures and inseminations, and she spent a lot of money. She even tried some natural methods that could help her to stay pregnant as soon as possible.
In the end, it was all worth it. Sarah got pregnant and nine months later she gave birth to her daughter Charlotte.
The two of them live a good life, and Charlotte is a healthy, wonderful girl. After her delivery, she moved to a bigger apartment. Sarah’s mother is living with the two of them and she is helping them a lot.
Sarah will tell her daughter the truth because she wants to share this amazing and rewarding experience. She wants her daughter to know that it’s okay to choose a different path.
It’s okay to be independent and daring. She wants to inspire her daughter and help her to be brave. This story is proof that strong women can do anything. Women are capable of anything and they can even start a family on their own.
Erica Moffett – Manhattan, New York
Erica Moffet is a 50-year-old woman who is from South Korea originally, but she grew up in the USA – Wellsboro, Pennsylvania.
She was adopted as a baby by a white couple. She had a good life, but she always wanted to know more about her heritage and her biological parents.
She even traveled to South Korea to learn more about her parents, but her mission wasn’t successful. She was accomplished, and successful, and she loved her parents. But, a part of her always wanted to know more about her biological parents. She felt like a part of her was missing.
With time, she realized that she had to move on. She has to enjoy her life. There were so many things to be grateful for. She wrote a book “Erica From America – Swimming From Europe To Africa”, where she talks about how she swam the Strait of Gibraltar.
A part of her always knew that she would probably adopt a child one day. She felt the need to help someone the way her parents helped her.
She tried very hard to adopt a child, but she had some negative experiences. Her dreams and hopes were shattered more than once.
In 2017, she finally succeeded even though she wasn’t hopeful. She adopted a baby girl from Florida. Her name is Chloe Ann and she was just 6 weeks old.
Erica’s life changed and she is trying her best to be a great mom. Her parents are also trying to be a good grandparent to Chloe Ann.
Erica is also excited because her daughter is African American. She knows what it’s like to be raised by a different race. She believes that she will help her daughter to overcome all the obstacles that come with being adopted since she went through the same.
Alexa W. – Manhattan, New York
Alexa had a few long-term relationships that failed. When she realized that she was ready for a child, she decided not to wait for the perfect man.
She was emotionally and financially ready to be a parent. Like all women who choose this path, she had to spend a lot of money, time, and patience.
She chose a sperm donation as a way of getting pregnant. A sperm donor is a great choice for single moms. It’s even better that you get to pick the donor sperm from the sperm bank.
Unfortunately, she had to go through the process a few times. All those fertility treatments were challenging and draining.
She also had to face miscarriage which was very hard for her. When she finally got pregnant, she was scared that the miscarriage would happen again.
She was very nervous during the first three months of pregnancy. Luckily, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl called Lucca.
The two of them are living in New York, near Alexa’s parents who help her with her daughter. She doesn’t regret anything, but she admits that being a single mother is very hard nowadays. She believes that everything can work out well if you have someone’s help.
Alexa’s mother is helping her a lot and her single mom experience is much easier because of that.
Trelawney McCoy – Rochester, New York
Trelawney McCoy is one of the greatest single moms in the world. All mothers are great of course, but her life choices will inspire her to be a better human being.
Trelawney gave birth to her child, and she had a family. She had a husband, but the marriage didn’t last. After her divorce, she decided to help the world. She decided to help children from foster care.
She adopted 8 children and cared for more than 20 children from foster care. The amazing thing is that she tries to keep the siblings from foster care together. She wants them to stay close, so she tries to take them in.
She is an inspiration to many people not just because she is a single mom by choice. She also helps young people and teen moms. She wants them to have better lives.
Trelawney knows how hard it is for these kids to create good lives. She knows that it’s easy for them to lose their path. That’s why she wants to make a difference. That’s why she wants to help them to become good people.
The Hardships Of Being A Single Mom
All these experiences about becoming a single mom by choice are very inspiring and moving. But, it’s not an easy path. Even when you raise kids with a partner, you still have to overcome many challenges and obstacles.
When you’re all alone, it seems impossible. Luckily, there are so many women who are ready to prove that single moms can do it all.
When you truly want something, you will make it happen. The love you have for your child will always push you forward. You will always find strength even when you’re very weak.
The biggest issue for single women who choose to be single moms is judgment and odd looks. Many people can’t understand this concept of family. They think that it’s not normal and natural.
Some of them think that there is something wrong with these women. Some of them think that the children from these unconventional families will have problems and issues.
Single moms have to be strong and confident. They have to focus on important things and they have to learn how to ignore these people. Additionally, they have to learn how to stand up for their kids and themselves.
To be honest, it’s possible that many of these kids will struggle with their identity and the lack of a father figure. Being a single mom by choice is magnificent, but those moms have to face some unusual problems.
They will have to explain to their children their situation. Sometimes, things won’t be easy. This is one of the biggest struggles of single moms by choice. They will feel guilty and sometimes they won’t have a good method to deal with all this.
Of course, this shouldn’t be a reason to give up on the idea of being a single parent. Parenting is always difficult and there is always a reason to be worried and scared.
These single moms feel like they’ve done something bad to their kids because there is no father in the picture, but there are so many wonderful things that should be their main focus.
With time, children who grew up with single moms will understand why it all happened. They will become grateful and all of that sacrifice will pay off.
Children Can’t Be Happy With One Parent Only
I’ve mentioned that many people believe in traditional family only. They think that these single moms are selfish because they’re not giving their kids a father.
That point of view is valid, but it’s important to see the bigger picture. First of all, there are so many kids in foster care who just want love. They don’t care if they have a dad or a mom. They don’t care about anything else but love and normal living conditions.
When it comes to pregnancy and giving birth without the father in the picture, it’s also something that is a wonderful thing.
In a perfect world, every woman would be with a perfect man. They would create their perfect family and there would be no need for these unconventional families.
Unfortunately, life is complicated, and it’s wrong to judge someone just because they’re ready to raise a whole new person. If a woman is ready to create a new life and a new human being, we should all be proud.
We should celebrate it and we should do everything in our power to make things easier for her.
So many children were born in traditional families, and they’re not happy or taken care of. These children are wanted and their moms see them as the center of the world.
A child needs love, care, and warmth. A child needs good conditions to live in. That’s all a child needs. Children can be happy with one parent only. So many children were raised by one parent and they turned out great.
The society needs to accept this idea. It’s important to be proud of these women who are so brave and fierce.
Choosing To Be A Single Mom – The Other Way
I wanted to share this story and some of my opinions about it, but there is also another approach I want to mention. All these women wanted to become single mothers because they were done with traditional ways.
But, sometimes a woman decides to become a single mom by choice even though she created that baby with someone she knows.
Sometimes, the father of the baby is abusive and she wants to raise the child by herself. Sometimes, the child is a result of rape or sexual abuse.
Maybe she doesn’t want to be near the father, and she knows that he won’t help her at all when she decides to walk away.
Sometimes the father wants to be out of the picture even though he seems fit to be a parent. Maybe the child is a result of a one-night stand, and the man doesn’t want to know anything about the situation.
There are some awful scenarios, but there are some scenarios that are just sad and disappointing. The point is – sometimes a woman has to decide to be a single mom even though she didn’t sign up for that.
She wants to protect her child and she wants to be happy too. She knows that it will be hard, but she wants to go through everything even though it will be hard.
In most cases, even when the dad is in the picture after divorce, separation, or breakup, he’s not the parent who is with the kids most of the time. Therefore, a woman is still a single mom in a way even though this situation is not a mother’s choice only.
This is an imposed choice, but it’s still a choice. Most mothers will accept their single motherhood, but some moms will abandon the child, or terminate the pregnancy.
That’s why it’s important to pray for these mothers too. They never dreamed of being single moms. They weren’t emotionally, mentally, or financially ready.
They did what they had to do. They had to be resourceful, strong, and brave. They were scared and they were anxious all the time.
Of course, the biggest reward for all moms is their child. Every mom feels better when she knows that her child is safe and happy. That’s why it’s important to support all single moms regardless of their story. We have to show them that we care for them and their children.
How To Make The Decision?
Maybe you’re here because you’re thinking about becoming a single mom by choice. Maybe the circumstances are different, but you wanted to know.
Maybe you simply stumbled upon this story, and now you’re puzzled. Maybe you have a friend who could benefit from the idea of single motherhood by choice.
I’ve told you a lot about the good and bad sides of being a single mom by choice. Children are miracles, but this decision should be taken seriously. If you’re thinking about it, you have to give your 100%.
You have to understand that you will go through thick and thin as a single mom. You will feel like you made a mistake sometimes. But, if you feel like your life will be complete if you raise a child, maybe you’re ready for this.
Keep in mind that the process is long no matter which path you choose. If you want to adopt children, you will have to be patient and persistent. If you want to get pregnant and give birth, you will have to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and financially.
In both scenarios, you will have to get your life in order. Think about your job, salary, and living conditions.
You also have to think about other people and their help. Do you have a support system? Do you have someone who is going to help you?
If the answer is no, you have to think of other ways – nannies, daycare, or part-time jobs. A child is a huge responsibility and if you want to do this on your own, you should have a plan.
When it comes to choosing a path of single motherhood due to issues or any kind of problem with the father, it’s also important to think about every little detail.
First of all, if you’re not happy around someone or if someone is hurting you in any way, you have to leave and you have to protect your child. Being a single mom or co-parenting is hard, but it’s better than being unhappy.
Second of all, if the father wants to have a relationship with the child, you have to allow it. You can’t take away the kids from him just because you feel it’s a better idea to be on your own with them.
If he is unfit to be around kids, the authorities will have to deal with that. This is very problematic when the mother knows that the father isn’t good for the child, but sometimes you simply can’t prove it. Luckily, there are courts and supervised visitations.
At the end of the day, you will be the one raising the children. You will be the one who is there most of the time. If the dad isn’t interested in the children, you can still get some child support to make things a little bit easier financially.
You have to know that kids will struggle with these things, but you’re strong enough to do anything. Don’t hesitate and don’t force yourself to stay around someone who isn’t good for you.
Learning new things about single moms is always fascinating to me. These women are so brave and resilient, and every story is so powerful and unique. Single mothers, and single parents in general deserve more recognition.
This story shows how hard it is to make some choices, but also how rewarding it can be to do something grand. Making a decision to become a single mother is very complex. It doesn’t matter if you’re 25 or 45 years old.
Life is full of surprises, and when things don’t turn out the way you want them to, you can always find a way out. Believing in yourself and knowing that a mother’s love is the strongest force will help you to make some major decisions in life.
Source – The New York Times
Hi all, I am Sidney, an accountant, a hobbyist photographer, and a mother to two sweet girls who are my motivation. I love sharing the tips and tricks I gained all these years I’ve been a mother. I hope it will help you!