While I’ve heard some pretty ridiculous things about raising children and listened to even more absurd advice, I have to admit that my husband has had his share of preposterous phrases.
Everyone knows that dads are just as much parents as moms.
Yet people can’t help but make comments to dads that send a secret message that it’s a miracle when a dad takes his role seriously.
When a man changes a diaper, you can almost hear all the neighbors applauding!
If you’ve ever uttered any of these phrases, I congratulate you!
You’re sexist, stupid and old-fashioned.
Maybe it’s time to rethink your thinking.
1. You’re such a good father.
That’s a great compliment!
A dad could be proud of that.
Yeah, but…
The problem is that dads get it even when they don’t do anything special.
When he does anything, a simple thing that any decent parent would do for their child, he gets praise.
Have you ever congratulated a mom for feeding her child?
Or told her she’s exceptional because she chooses to take her child to the park, instead of going out for cocktails with her friends?
To which other mom would you say she’s great simply because she fed her child instead of starving him, or took him to the park instead of going out for drinks with her friends?
2. You can tell daddy dressed him!
Did a child get sick or freeze because he was wearing a pink T-shirt with red pants?
Dads aren’t usually too fashion-conscious, so choosing the child’s outfit isn’t a top priority.
When dressing their child, they pay attention to practicality and temperature.
Is the body covered?
Can he jump, run or squat?
If these conditions are met, as far as Dad’s concerned, mission accomplished.
And we congratulate him for it!
But what do we say to the mothers who dress their children every day?
- Oh my! You’ve put a pink T-shirt on your son!
- But isn’t he too warm in that down jacket!
3. Don’t worry, Mommy will be here soon!
When dads are alone with their children, the same thing happens to them as to moms: the kids get angry, argue and fight.
Because they’re kids!
And not because mom isn’t there!
So don’t comment on the situation as if Dad’s immaturity was the cause of the crying.
Instead, approach the mother whose baby is crying and say: “Don’t worry, Daddy’s coming soon! What did you do today?
4. That’s not the way to do it…
The reason you need to destroy a father’s spirit isn’t because he’s less able to look after children, but because you have prejudices about them.
How many times have you wished you could tell a mother that she was holding her child badly?
Or how many times have you wanted to give her advice on caring for or feeding her baby?
And yet you haven’t.
So why do you feel free to do it with dad?
Just because it’s okay to question his competence?
In society, it’s commonly accepted that fathers aren’t as involved and good at bringing up children.
So we give ourselves the right to criticize what they do.
This is one of the areas in which our society has evolved least.
5. I’m proud of you!
- Wow, you took your two daughters shopping!
- You cooked dinner for your kids!
We congratulate dads for what we perceive as a heroic act.
Is it?
Taking your kids to school or doing the laundry are not heroic acts.
Otherwise, moms would be everyday superheroes.
To receive praise, moms have to do three or four times as much work as dads.
Here’s a phrase I was told at the start of the pandemic:
Oh, you work from home with your three kids?
It’s a lot easier than going to work every day.
Tomorrow, I’ll send my daughter over so she can play with your kids while you work.
It won’t change a thing.
And if you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not.
This woman not only sent me her daughter (she’s my neighbor), but also her brothers.
I had six children at home and I was working.
While Madame was quietly at home.
For the record, she doesn’t work!
I was furious and set the record straight when her husband came to pick up the kids.
Honestly, he was embarrassed, but his wife never apologized!
So stop applauding dads who do what’s normal for a parent.
6. Are you playing mom today?!
There’s nothing worse than calling Dad “Mom”, because it metaphorically degrades the father’s role.
Fatherhood is not a version of motherhood, and a father is not a substitute for a mother.
In so doing, you show that you think looking after children is a woman’s job.
What’s a man’s role then?
Just to plant his sperm?
Two people make children, two people raise them, and no one has the right to criticize the role of one of the parents.
What’s more, every family has a different dynamic.
What do you say to dads who stay at home while moms are at work?
7. Do you babysit?
Have you ever asked a mom if she babysits?
Fathers aren’t paid tutors, they’re parents.
Never tell them they’re babysitting!
These are their children, and they’re responsible for their duties.
Let’s not forget that children didn’t ask to be born.
Two people, a man and a woman, chose to create them and love them for life.