Yesterday they were still cute and little, now they’re angry teenagers.
Supporting teenagers is a challenge for many parents.
Making mistakes is allowed in this phase – on both sides.
Because if young people only do what they’re supposed to do, we’re doomed.
It’s as if they’re just digging in the sandbox.
Now, kids are stuck in front of the computer.
If anything comes out of them, it’s insults.
And household chores tend to be ignored.
When their children reach puberty, parents often wonder what they’ve done wrong and whether they can make up for the omissions in their upbringing.
Here are the mistakes to avoid during your children’s puberty:
1. Parents shouldn’t go back on their own mistakes.
It’s not good for young people if parents talk about their own faults or are too complacent.
Puberty is an intermediary period during which young people reorient themselves.
It would be helpful for parents to follow this path and question themselves.
Teenagers don’t want someone who does everything one hundred percent right.
If your child withdraws, becomes aggressive, steals or takes drugs, this can fuel self-doubt.
Poor or exaggerated hygiene, rebellion, lack of punctuality, alcohol consumption or poor grades at school – all these go hand in hand with puberty.
Indeed, crossing boundaries is part of this phase.
This has to do with the physiological development of the brain, which young people work on more aggressively.
2. Remember your own adolescence!
This is the best way to understand that each of us has gone through this same capricious and difficult stage.
So parents must learn not to take anything personally.
It’s the most important thing and, at the same time, the hardest thing of all.
In the case of insults, it’s important to say first and foremost: “We don’t talk to each other like that”.
It’s not necessary to clarify difficult situations immediately, but rather calmly, for example during a walk.
It’s important not to get involved in fights.
Hostility breeds hostility:
3. It’s never too late for education!
Parents should avoid reproaches, interrogations and sermons.
Instead, three other terms are important: trust, example and understanding.
Puberty is not a late period for education, and we must remain optimistic about it.
It’s perfectly possible to talk openly with the child about omissions – without presenting the problems as a reproach.
For example, a parent might say: “I didn’t involve you enough in household chores before, but there’s a lot to be done. What could you take on?
This shows children that they have an important place in the family structure.
Such conversations may not meet with pure joy in young people, but it’s important to realize that it’s the right thing to do – and to stick to it.
4. Choose negotiation over orders.
As children get older, parents need to negotiate rather than simply dictate.
It’s important to sit down with all family members once a week and discuss tasks.
It’s important that parents aren’t fooled by vague concessions.
You need to say very clearly to the child, “we’re a family and you need to get involved.”
In family gatherings like this, young people learn to exchange instead of just making faces and running away.
Parents also need to see the positive side of puberty.
Too often, this phase is portrayed only in a negative light.
But it’s a very fun, creative and necessary time when talents are being developed.
These talents are important for society.
Puberty is a difficult process not only for children, but also for parents.
Finally, they have to learn that they can no longer protect children from everything.
Parents can no longer determine their children’s lives; they can only be companions.
This is associated with sadness, pain and great insecurity.
Yes, puberty is the time when you say “good-bye”.
Accepting the sadness that childhood is coming to an end is the first step.
So every parent needs to get involved in puberty, because it’s not the teaching techniques that are decisive, but the basic attitude.
The attitude is: “something may happen that I don’t want, and that’s okay.”
Even if the child becomes an alcoholic or takes drugs: he’s still your own child.
The parents’ task is to give him a framework in which he feels safe and accepted.