Every stage of life brings new experiences and new people.
And the biggest changes happen when you become a mother.
All of a sudden, you distance yourself from people who don’t have children.
You don’t do it on purpose.
It’s just that your life has taken a new direction and these people don’t understand your priorities.
You don’t really have anything to talk about anymore.
That’s why this seems to be the hardest time to make new friends…
When you become a mom, you simply have to share experiences with others.
You can’t close yourself off.
Many women feel isolated and misunderstood after giving birth.
They’re tired and don’t know how to deal with this new phase of their lives.
Of course, it’s normal to feel this way just after the arrival of baby.
But it can last a long time for some women.
Everything is new and they don’t take the time to find other women who understand them.
Well, when I say they don’t take the time, I mostly mean they don’t have the time and are lost.
And yet, as a mom, you need a friend, but not just any friend.
I hope, of course, that you’re still in touch with your “old” friends.
The ones who knew you in your wild days.
You’re certainly happy to go for a coffee with them and rush into their arms, away from the kids.
However, if they don’t have children, you’ll find it hard to identify with certain things when you’re with them.
In other words, no matter how fed up you think you are with talking about your kids, you might need a friend with whom you can comment on everything that’s currently going on in your life as a parent.
A friend with whom you can have the best time while the kids play together and ask absolutely nothing of you.
But making a friend when you’re a mom is hard
One mom on TikTok even went so far as to show just how hard it is to find a mom you get along with who has a child the same age as yours.
She posted a video explaining just how difficult the process of finding a mommy friend can be, and shares her theory on what makes the perfect mommy friend.
She even drew the famous diagram on her child’s easel to visually show what she was talking about.
Before having children, she wasn’t aware of how difficult it is to make friends during this time of life.
Before she became a mom, she thought she’d take her kids to the park, talk to other women while the kids ran around, and magic would happen: they’d become mommy friends.
But it’s never that simple, is it?
She drew three circles, explaining that there are three different types of mommy friends.
When you find a mommy friend who is all of these things in one, you’ve found a mommy friend: a unicorn.
The first circle represents moms who simply “get” you.
These are mom friends with whom you’d naturally get along anyway.
You have a similar interest, you feel very comfortable, you probably hang out with them even if your kids aren’t around.
Her second circle includes mom friends who have kids the same age as yours.
If I have a one-year-old and you have a six-year-old, we won’t be able to arrange an afternoon of playtime.
If I have a two-year-old and you have a two-year-old, let’s go to the same park together!
And it’s pretty rare to find a mom friend with whom you usually have a laugh, who also has babies the same age as you.
Which brings us to the third circle: location!
It’s really important that the mom you get along with in every way lives near you, isn’t it?
Sometimes it’s hard to arrange to hang out in the local park when you’re next door.
So how do you find each other if you don’t live in the same town?
Practicality is key!
According to this mom, these are the three key factors in finding the absolutely perfect mom friend.
You find a mommy friend you love with kids the same age as you, who lives in the same neighborhood as you, and you win the jackpot: a unicorn mommy!
But why is this perfect mom friend called the unicorn?
Well, she doesn’t really exist!
This famous unicorn is a figment of your imagination.
You’ve created her, you love her and you want to play with her.
But in real life, she doesn’t exist.
It’s extremely difficult to combine these three factors in one person.
You have to remember that every parent has strengths and weaknesses, and what works for one family may not work for another.
Instead of looking for the perfect mom friend, it’s more realistic to strive for friends who share the same values and interests, and who are supportive, non-judgmental and compassionate.
Besides, parenting is a journey fraught with pitfalls, and it’s normal to make mistakes along the way.
Finding a supportive and understanding friend to help you through these difficult times can be a valuable asset.
Finally, the perfect mom friend has the following qualities:
- Empathy and understanding
Such a friend can understand what you’re going through, as she may have experienced similar difficulties in her own parenting journey.
- Non-judgmental
A mom friend should be supportive and non-judgmental about your parenting style or decisions, even if she disagrees with you.
- Reliability
She needs to be there for you when you need her, whether to listen to you or to help with childcare.
- Good communication
Communication is essential in any relationship, including a friendship between moms.
A good mommy friend should be open and honest in her communication, and ready to discuss any conflicts that may arise.
- Shared values and interests
Finding a mom friend who shares the same values and interests as you can make your friendship more fulfilling.
This can provide common ground for bonding and organizing activities.
Ultimately, the perfect qualities of a mom friend depend on your personal friendship needs and preferences.
If you’re one of the lucky ones who has a unicorn mommy friend, reach out to her and tell her how grateful you are.
This kind of friendship usually lasts a lifetime.