Not to be confused with authoritarian parenting style, authoritative parenting method combines support and care with rules and discipline.
Raising your child in the authoritative style means that you expect a lot from them, but you also do everything you can to help them get there.
That’s why it’s also dubbed propagative, democratic and positive.
Authoritative Parenting Method Is the Most Effective One for Now
The term authoritative in the context of raising children was coined by Dr. Diana Blumberg Baumrind, along with the terms authoritarian and permissive.
What makes it effective?
Well, it combines the best parts of other known parenting styles into an eclectic method which entails strong boundaries, but also a loving and open communication.
Children need to be subject to rules and discipline, though they definitely also need love and understanding.
Raising them in an authoritative way creates conditions for them to grow into confident, successful and happy people.
How to Be an Authoritative Parent?
Though there are general tips to help you implement this method, it still vastly depends upon your children.
Like grown-ups, children are their own people, with their own quirks and character, and you’ll likely need to adapt some of the below tips in order for them to work.
Your child could be obedient, difficult or maybe a little lazy – all of these nuances affect the way you’ll implement the authoritative method.
Some ask for a little more lenience, and some for stricter rules. That’s for you to decide.
1. The Child Should Know Your Love is Unconditional
Whether your child fulfills your expectations or not, they should never be made to feel like they’ll lose your love as a result.
Sure, if they get a bad grade because they were being lazy with their studies, it’s reasonable to scold them. But it’s of the utmost importance that the child always knows they’re loved.
You’d think this one is a no-brainer, however children don’t yet possess the emotional intelligence to know that their parent loves them whether they show it or not.
They form attachments and understand emotions based on how you express them. So be careful not to allow your strictness to come off as emotional neglect.
Canceling their gaming privileges over bad behavior is one thing, but your love and care should always be present and something the child understands they’ll have no matter what.
2. Communicate, Communicate and Then Some
A common mistake among adults – parents aren’t alone in this – is that we often speak down to children or outright ignore what they have to say.
Children can be too talkative at times, and they may go on and on about things we find to be old news. But remember that to them they’re new.
To them, everything is new. They’re only getting to know the world around them, and they need you to be a part of it.
Talk to your child, laugh and joke with them, and occasionally sneak in some valuable lessons into your conversations.
Allow your child to come to conclusions and form their own opinions.
Quality communication in childhood sets them up to become communicative, confident people who can think critically.
3. Listen to Your Child
The authoritative method stands for hearing children’s opinions. Moreover, it stands for encouraging children to have opinions.
Allow your child to speak uninterrupted, let them tell you what they think and want.
You’re still the parent and your word is final, but the child should understand they have a say. If you encourage them to think critically and voice their opinions, sooner or later you’ll find yourselves on the same page.
Respect and implement their ideas as long as they’re reasonable to teach them that what they say has value.
This will help them develop high self-esteem as they grow up and set them up for success.
4. Enjoy Your Time Together
As a parent, you’ve got enough on your plate.
Caretaking, cooking, paying bills, setting rules, helping with homework – and you’ve still got to be a loving partner and, more often than not, excell at your workplace.
Setting aside some time to have fun with your child, to tease them and laugh with them may prove beneficial to both of you.
It will allow you to decompress a little, and your child to have their parent as their best friend.
It’s also important for mutual trust and respect to be able to enjoy your time together.
If you’re the kind of person your child can comfortably joke with, then they’re just as likely to feel comfortable if they need your help and guidance.
5. Have High Expectations
Authoritative parenting method stands for reasonable expectations and discipline. Though, you demand a lot from your child because you believe in them.
You provide the nurture and the conditions necessary for them to achieve success.
Besides, children adapt to our expectations – as long as they’re feasable, of course. They will reach the bar you set for them, or at least try to.
So if you demand very little, that’s what they’ll achieve. And if you demand a lot, they’ll achieve a lot or almost that.
But keep in mind that in this process they don’t need pressure. Instead, offer them support and voice out why you believe they can achieve what you ask of them.
This will help them gain stronger will and confidence.
Keep in Mind That Nobody’s Perfect
If you expect your child to perform flawlessly all the time, instead of self-esteem, you’ll instill in them a fear of failure.
They may internalize your expectations, and start to believe you won’t love them anymore unless they go far and beyond to fullfill each one.
This leads to your mutural relationship being based on dishoesty and anxiety.
How to avoid this?
Teach your child that mistakes are completely normal, and as long as they do their best, their efforts will be appreciated.
This allows them to learn and get better at their own pace and to not be anxious about failing you.
6. Give Them Responsiblities
As soon as the child is old enough, they should be taught to be responsible. Start small – have them put their toys away, make their bed in the morning, clean the table after family meals…
Having them contribute to chores at home will lead to them understanding they have to do their part no matter where they are.
At school, at work and in their own household one day.
Instilling a good habit isn’t easy, of course. You’ll have to be strict and perhaps not allow them to watch TV or play unless they’ve completed the chores.
But, remember not to be authoritarian about it and simply give punishments without an explanation.
Explain to them that tidying their room or the dining table is their responsibility – like doing laundry or cooking is yours. Unless it’s done, you can’t comfortably relax.
Likewise, they better get to their chores as soon as possible, so that they can enjoy their free time in peace.
7. Rights Within the Home
Children don’t understand the concept of cause and effect like we do. Hence, they need a little encouragement in order to stay true to the responsibilities you’ve assigned them.
For instance, say they’ve completed the chores you’ve given them, so they may now play their favorite game on the family tablet.
If they did what you’ve asked and you don’t come through with your reward, than that diminishes the child’s trust towards you.
They also need to understand the boundaries of theirs and others’ rights. If they played their game for about forty minutes, then it’s time for someone else to use the device.
Their rights can’t trample their siblings’ or parents’.
Freedom of Choice
This one fits straight into the household rights. Include your children into decision making at the level they’re suited for.
So, while you won’t let a four-year-old dress themselves fully, you may allow them to choose between two T-shirts.
Or give your child the option of choosing between two or three foods they’d like to eat for lunch. This teaches them to be independent and to value their freedom of choice.
8. Your Child Needs Personal Space
Children are individuals, just as we are. Though you may naturally view them as an extension of you, it’s a parent’s duty to promote their child’s independence.
The child needs space to play by themselves or to enjoy a hobby.
The looming question is – how much personal space should you allow?
Too little, and the child will feel overwhelmed with your presence. Too much, and you border the line of neglect.
Here you should consider the child’s age. If you have a toddler, you may let them play alone with larger toys or in the grass, but make sure there’s nothing they could hurt themselves with.
On the other hand, if you’re raising a teen, you need to give them a lot more space. They’ll have their own phone and their own friends.
Still, you’ll have to include all the parental control options you can find, and meet the parents of their friends to make sure they’re safe.
9. Have Rules and Stick to Them
Communication and kindess are one side of the coin. Strict rules are the other.
While you want to build trust and a friendly dynamic with your child, you must ensure that they take you seriously.
Authoritative parenting is all about balancing and interlacing the two.
So while your rules are set and your expectations clear, you take the time to explain to your child why exactly they need to respect them. Don’t leave it at ‘because I told you so’.
If the child refuses to eat vegetables, explain to them how it may affect their health. Make it a rule – they must eat all their veggies if they want to have a candy bar later.
If they break the rule, then they can’t have any candies.
Now, the hardest part of having rules isn’t the fact someone else may not adhere to them – but that you yourself won’t.
Though at times it may be easier to just turn away and let it slide, that’s not how authoritative parenting works.
You must be very serious about your rules, so that your child will also be.
Remember, they learn by observing.