When, all of a sudden, the child prefers daddy and ignores mommy, you can be sure you’re in the middle of a “daddy phase”.
This is the moment when the child sees his father as a flawless superhero and his mother as the person who spoils all the fun.
But why do I have to go to bed, I’m playing with Daddy?
Daddy said…
Daddy decides, not you!
You’ve probably already heard these phrases coming out of your children’s mouths.
If not, don’t celebrate just yet!
The “daddy phase” will come sooner or later!
In the first months of life, the mother is at the center of the baby’s universe.
But it doesn’t always stay that way.
At some point, the child realizes what daddy has to offer, and he often becomes the only star.
This situation is a feast for fathers, but often hard to bear for mothers.
Dad has to feed the child, change diapers and put him to bed because Dad is the star.
The switch from mom to dad is often a complete surprise and comes as a shock to both mom and dad.
If your child becomes your biggest fan, enjoy the moment while it lasts.
However, understanding for your partner is also important now, especially if she’s still carrying the main load of work and responsibility for the child.
Daddy is my hero!
Dads are only there for the kids for one or two hours a day.
They play with them more than they care, but are nevertheless – or perhaps because of this – the absolute superstar for the child.
Between the ages of two and three, children often find themselves in this phase, much to the delight of the father and the chagrin of the mother, who no longer feels sufficiently loved and appreciated.
Why is this?
Why do children suddenly prefer one parent, in this case the father?
Pedagogues and educators have several explanations for this, none of which have anything to do with the fact that the child suddenly loves the father more than the mother.
In fact, it’s called “father hunger”.
All mothers should know that this phase is really just a phase.
As a father, you have to be careful that your child’s enthusiasm for you doesn’t make you forget all the rules of parenting.
This makes things unnecessarily difficult for both your partner and your child.
What triggers “father hunger”?
The way the game is played is considered one of the main reasons why offspring suddenly turn into daddy’s boy/girl.
Mothers generally prefer games with “educational value”: they read with the child, use games to work on memory, paint or do crafts.
Fathers are completely different.
They come home and start having fun, making faces or playing silly, completely pointless tickling games.
It can almost be like a salvation for the child when, after a long quiet day with mom, he’s suddenly confronted with dad’s kinetic energy and can really let off steam again.
Since fathers and children are aware of how little time they spend together, play and attention are more intense.
Of course, a child likes it if he’s used to running around all day – because Mom has other things to do after all.
So you can reassure your partner!
As a full-time dad, you’re almost like an exotic toy, similar to grandparents, whom the child only sees once a month.
No wonder children want to spend all their time with their father.
Another reason why children suddenly become daddy’s children may also be due to the mother’s overprotectiveness.
Fathers are generally more trusting of children, less anxious and “allow” more dangerous games and activities.
Emotional bonding to the father
The bond between mother and child is very close in the first year of life, and must break at some point.
However, a child of this age cannot yet be independent, so part of the mother-child bond is broken by attachment to the father.
The transfer of love to a dad or even a mom doesn’t seem so extreme if both parents care for the child frequently and intensively and spend as much time with him or her.
Incidentally, psychology has a technical term for the moment when children break the close bond with their mother: it’s called “triangulation”.
A third person is added, in this case the father.
If your partner is too saddened by the apparent loss of her monopoly position, comfort her and remind her that the child remains close to her in your absence.
However, she must face the problem of feeling superfluous and like a third wheel all on her own.
Under no circumstances should you reject your child just to make your partner feel better.
Stay consistent in your upbringing
If you, as the father, are idolized by the child, that’s fine.
But you also run the risk of falling into certain traps.
The child’s enthusiasm quickly leads to the important consequence of the father’s side falling by the wayside.
Love and affection are sometimes rewarded with concessions that your partner will later have to face up to.
The rules that you and your partner have laid down for your child should also and above all apply when your child is in his “daddy phase”.
If there are disagreements between you and your partner, both the child and the relationship suffer.
