It’s a strange sort of irony that even though we spend so much time and energy teaching our children to communicate with words, they never seem to understand the world’s smallest and simplest word: no!
Three letters.
Black and white.
What can go wrong?
The word ‘no’ always seems to be open to interpretation in our little ones’ heads.
Yet, as adults, we can clearly say that the definition of this term is quite simple.
No means no!
It’s a refusal!
So why don’t our children understand?
Personally, I’ve spent a lot of time explaining the importance of limits and respect to my children.
In fact, when my children say ‘no’, I don’t insist.
Do you want to eat broccoli?
No !
Okay!
And I move on.
However, my children seem to have completely different definitions of the word ‘no’.
And I’ll give you their interpretations.
Maybe your kids understand like mine do!
If so, good luck!
1. ‘No’ means “you have to convince me”.
This does NOT apply to all ‘lawyers’!
Yes, that’s how I call my kids now.
You say ‘no’ and expect that to be the end of the story.
Yet your children are preparing their arguments as to why ‘yes’ is a much more appropriate response.
So ‘no’ is actually the start of a debate.
2. “When I say no, I really mean…”
If you have a clever little one who can sense when you’re unsure and indecisive about your ‘no’, he knows that all he has to do is work hard for the next three minutes and your ‘no’ will turn into a ‘yes’.
For example, he’ll ask you questions like:
What if I put my toys away?
Can I eat my soup?
In short, your child will wear you down.
3. Your ‘no’ means the child has to ask his father.
He’s bound to get a different answer!
This is the specialty of mothers who follow the motto “divide and conquer”.
Mom says ‘no’, and Dad ignores the question and says ‘yes’.
And then the fun begins!
The child knows how to create chaos so that Mom and Dad argue.
And he does it simply to get what he wants.
A born manipulator, I tell you!
4. Yes, yes and yes
Who are we fooling?
There are little ones who so rarely hear the word ‘no’ that they simply don’t feel ‘no’ when it appears in a sentence.
In their world, everything is ‘yes, yes, yes’.
In the end, these children are lucky.
At least, that’s what he thinks.
And so do we!
But in the end, we realize that we’re raising arrogant children who will have trouble dealing with the difficulties of adult life.
5. For the next four hours, I’m going to get you drunk every fifteen minutes!
This is a ‘no’ in the eyes of the most persistent.
It’s a situation where your child asks you the same question over and over again until even the firmest parent gives up and changes their answer.
In the end, the most persistent parent wins.
Parent versus child!
We know how this battle will end, and it won’t be pretty.
6. Please make a public tantrum
You know the drill!
You’re in a public place.
Your child asks you to do something crazy, you say ‘no’.
An epic nervous breakdown begins.
Tears. Blows. Throwing.
All the while, your clever little one is watching you intently with one eye, trying to catch the moment when you’ll waver and agree to his crazy request in order to get out of this embarrassing situation full of judgmental looks from all sides.
7. I can clearly hear your ‘no’, but if you really love me, you’ll say ‘yes’!
When your toddler has a pretty pouty face, puffy lips, a pleading look and watery eyes, then you’re falling into deep emotional waters.
And I challenge you to say ‘no’ and stick to that word for more than three minutes!
Clearly, your child has mastered the art of manipulation from birth.
And the more time goes by, the more new tricks he learns.
Conclusion
Children don’t challenge their parents to stress or hurt them.
It’s simply part of their development.
Indeed, they need to test limits and see how far they can go.
Of course, this creates a lot of anxiety for parents.
But it’s a necessary step.
What’s more, it shows that your children are intelligent and resourceful.
Now all you have to do is find another way to get your final ‘no’ across.
Mother of three and a primary school teacher. I’ve always loved being around children and helping them, so I chose my path as a teacher. It is sometimes hectic with three children, but I am 100 percent into it and wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.