It’s not always easy to admit, but not wanting children is nothing to be ashamed of. And nobody has the right to judge you for this personal choice.
Yes, let me remind you: having children is a personal choice. If you don’t feel the urge to become a mother, or if you’ve prioritized other aspects of your life, that’s your right. In fact, it’s your privilege.
Unfortunately, even though we say we live in a modern world, we still have a hard time accepting the fact that women are not just test-tubes to ensure the survival of the human population.
Just like men, women have passions, they want to build their professional careers and they want to take advantage of life to travel and discover new horizons.
Some women are born with a strong maternal instinct. They have an innate desire to become mothers, and they shine in this role. Some women master the balance between work and family life perfectly.
While others prefer to devote themselves entirely to their family life and become stay-at-home mothers.
But some women don’t feel that this kind of life is for them. They don’t recognize themselves in this environment, and don’t feel that it could fulfill them.
Whatever your situation, the important thing is to be honest with yourself: what is your instinct telling you?
What is your calling?
Find your calling and follow it. Don’t let anyone dictate the kind of life you don’t want to lead. Otherwise, sooner or later, you’ll regret it in a few years’ time. But there’s no turning back.
By the way, after conducting a study of over a hundred women who don’t want to have children, here are the most common reasons they gave us.
1. Simply no desire
I’ve never felt the need to have a child. And I’m not even talking about the financial, emotional and physical investment it requires. I just don’t want to!
This is a perfect example of what I was saying above. You have to follow your instincts. If the call of motherhood is something that never comes for you, stay true to yourself.
Don’t listen to other people and don’t let yourself be influenced by society’s stigmas. There’s no shame in not wanting children and wanting to enjoy your life.
2. A painful childhood
I don’t want children because of the constant, eternal thought that my child or children will be treated the way I was when I was growing up. The last thing I want to see is my child coming home from school crying or sad every day because they’ve been bullied again.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have had an idyllic childhood. Sometimes, certain wounds from your childhood remain ingrained in your memory and you can’t forget how you felt at the time.
For fear that your children will go through the same experiences, you don’t have the strength to have a baby. And I don’t blame you.
3. Medical history
I have chosen not to pass on my mental and physical health problems. I can see the negative traits in my mother’s and father’s family and have decided not to continue the line.
It’s a bit of a taboo subject, but it’s worth talking about. If you notice physical or mental flaws in your family and are uncomfortable because of them, or even suffer because of them, you don’t want your children to go through the same thing.
It could be an addiction, a serious hereditary disease or an embarrassing physical growth. Again, any reason is a good reason, as long as it makes sense to you.
4. Lack of money
I can’t afford to give a child the quality of life I want for him or her. You don’t have to be rich to have children. But you do have to be prepared to provide for them, love them, be there for them and help them when they need it.
It’s not just about money. It’s not just time. It’s not just assets or liabilities. It’s not just mental health. It’s everything.
I don’t think there’s really a middle class anymore. People are either rich or poor. If you have trouble making ends meet when you live alone or with your partner, it’s going to be even more complicated with a child.
Many women refuse to have children because they know they can’t give them everything they need. So instead of having children who lack everything and are unhappy, they prefer to abstain.
5. Fear of such a serious commitment
My mom used to say: ‘Having a child is like getting a face tattoo – you’d better be damn sure you really want it.’ My mom was a wonderful woman, but she made it clear to us that it’s the one commitment a woman makes in her lifetime that can’t be broken.
Clearly, having a child means making a lot of sacrifices and changes. And not everyone is ready for that. So honesty is essential here. You can’t see a child and expect others to raise it for you.
You can’t give up on your child overnight, just because you’re fed up. So yes, this is a serious commitment and if you’re not ready for it, today or ever, that’s okay.
6. Lack of maturity
I’m about to turn 31 and I still feel like a kid – which is why I haven’t had any children yet. I can’t believe my mother was ten years younger than me when I was born.
Looking after my dog, working, cleaning… It’s already too much for me!
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble. After all, if you’re immature and have trouble looking after yourself, how can you possibly be able to look after a newborn baby?
You just can’t. I know a lot of people say that becoming a mother changes you and makes you grow up, but you won’t become a good mother by taking a shortcut. Women who say they’re immature to be mothers are the real heroines to me.
7. The need for solitude
I’m a deeply introverted person. I like to be alone, because it’s the only time I feel like myself.
Not everyone is a social human being. Even if it’s in our DNA, some people like to isolate themselves and be quiet. But having a child means having someone constantly glued to you.
And that’s guaranteed anxiety and depression for women who need personal space and silence. Don’t put your mental health at risk just to satisfy society’s gossip.
8. The work
My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years, without children. Over the last few years, we’ve both secured hard-working jobs and good incomes.
We love our lives – being able to go away for a night or two, or out for good meals when we can afford it. Then spend quiet evenings watching a film.
Motherhood isn’t a priority for everyone. If you’ve invested many years in building your career and made many sacrifices for it, you don’t want to draw a line under it.
Some women feel fulfilled when they are recognized professionally. And more and more women are taking back the power of their lives and fighting against society’s diktats by working hard. Congratulations!
9. The pressure of everyday life
Sometimes I break down when I’m overwhelmed, and I wouldn’t want a child to have to go through that… Sometimes I think I’d like to have a child, because it would be fun to go to the museum and teach it things.
I think it would be fun to pass on all the little traditions and I’d love to see what fun nonsense he could do. But I’m so overwhelmed by myself.
Sometimes life can take you right to the edge. If you feel like you’re sinking or struggling to manage your daily obligations, having a child would only make it worse.
Contrary to what many people say, having a baby doesn’t solve all your problems. In some situations, it can even lead people into depression or worse.
10. Fear of physical transformation
I don’t want to sacrifice my body.
So I can already see the comments. How can anyone be so superficial? Well, when a woman dedicates her life to getting the perfect body and maintaining it, she doesn’t feel like throwing all her efforts out the window.
Of course, you’ll tell me that many women return to their pre-pregnancy bodies, or that there’s always adoption. But as I said, any reason for not wanting children is valid.
11. Priority
I don’t want to put them first, but I think they should come first.
When you get into the habit of living alone, you are your priority. Every day, you put your happiness first. By the way, maybe a lot of people think you’re selfish.
And that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with accepting the fact that you’re the most important person in your life and you’re not ready to give way to someone else.
12. Don’t want to sacrifice small pleasures
Quite simply, I like sleeping too much to have children.
In fact, this argument is more than valid. Sleep is essential for our survival. In fact, I wonder how some women are still alive after raising several children and spending years getting a minimum of sleep.
It’s one of many sacrifices that can be difficult to make. If some people need less sleep than others, it’s a radical change in lifestyle that not everyone is willing/able to make.
13. Today’s world
Having a child in today’s world is like signing your own death warrant.
A lot of things are going wrong at the moment. Politics is becoming increasingly dictatorial. Climate change is killing the planet, and I’m not even talking about the pandemic, which has led to unbelievable price rises and lifestyle changes that are hard to accept.
So it’s understandable that some women refuse to have children who will have to live with the reprisals of previous generations’ actions.