Of course, being rude is a fairly subjective term.
Everyone has their own definition and way of looking at their child’s behavior.
However, when you perceive your little one’s attitude as rude, unfriendly, malicious or hostile, you need to react.
As I said, we can’t really make generalizations about the definition of rudeness.
But we can try to understand the behavior of a rude child.
A child systematically displays disrespectful, impolite or inconsiderate behavior towards others.
Rude behavior in children manifests itself in different ways, for example, by speaking in a disrespectful tone, ignoring or interrupting adults, using offensive language, making inappropriate gestures or failing to respect social norms of politeness.
Impoliteness in children results from a variety of factors, including lack of guidance, exposure to negative influences, limited understanding of social norms, emotional problems or even imitation of behaviors observed in others.
It’s important to note that children are still developing their social and emotional skills, and that occasional rudeness is actually part of the learning process.
Parents, caregivers and educators play an important role in teaching children respectful behavior and helping them develop empathy and understanding for others.
Clear communication, setting expectations, applying appropriate consequences and adopting respectful behavior can help children learn to interact with others in a more positive and caring way.
So, how rude is your child?
What can you do about it?
Your child is rude and pushes others away
He’s trying to distance himself from his classmates, siblings or parents.
He makes it clear that he wants to be alone and doesn’t enjoy anyone’s company.
For example, he may say
- Leave me alone…
- Stop talking to me!
- I don’t like you!
- I hate my family!
I consider myself a pretty positive mom, but I have zero tolerance for rudeness.
So I completely forbid rude or disrespectful behavior and words.
I’m aware that if I allow it once, it will happen again.
What’s more, the younger siblings will follow suit and my home will become a permanent chaos.
Of course, I have to meet my children’s needs, but it has to be done with respect.
So here’s what I tell them when they step out of line:
Step 1: What are they trying to tell me?
The first step in resolving a conflict situation is to determine what your child is trying to tell you by his aggressive attitude.
Perhaps your child is annoyed by a particular person, but is unable to get away from them, so is unconsciously asking for your help.
Or he may have a problem he’s ashamed to admit, but can’t solve on his own.
Usually, this kind of behavior reflects a need for connection, nourishment or rest.
So, I ask myself:
What is my child trying to express?
You can’t help your child communicate if you don’t understand his or her needs.
So it’s vital to find out what he’s hiding.
If you don’t know, you can try guessing or asking questions.
If your little one is too out of control, for example if he screams or runs off, you need to calm him down first.
Once you’ve managed to re-establish a healthy connection between you, you can return to the questions.
Step 2: give him the words he needs
Your child is speaking disrespectfully, so you need to help him communicate the same thing, but in a more polite way.
- I think you’re trying to tell me that you need space, aren’t you? If so, you can say ‘please give me space’ or you can walk away from the situation.
- I think you’re upset because your sister took your toy. Am I right? Then tell her clearly what you need. For example, you could say ‘I need the toy, I haven’t finished playing with it yet!’.
Ultimately, what you’re doing is giving him the words and respectful language he’s missing.
It’s the only way for him to solve his problems and communicate clearly.
After all, you know that children follow adults’ lead, so show them the right way.
Step 3: relive the moment
Help your child repair the harm he’s done with his rude behavior.
Go back in time (not literally, of course), then guide him/her on the healthy approach to follow.
It’s important to guide your child on the right path to take.
So say to him:
- Go ahead, tell him you need your toy…
- Let’s go back to the beginning and learn to talk to each other with respect. You can say: ‘I need space, I’ll tell you when I’m ready to play.
- You can take back the power by taking the space you need. Afterwards, you can take a break on the sofa or on your bed.
The next step is the most important, but many parents omit it.
Step 4: End the conversation with encouragement
It’s important to encourage and compliment your child.
This part of the discussion is very important for his self-esteem.
Whenever you have a difficult or heavy discussion, end it on a positive note.
It’s a great way to reconnect with your child and boost his self-confidence.
You can say:
- You did a great job speaking respectfully to your sister.
- I love how clear and calm you were. Great job!
- I’m proud of you for successfully starting the discussion from scratch. Now we all understand what you want.
- I’m grateful for your efforts: we’re learning together.
You want your child to come away from this experience with a firm belief in the benefits of being nice.
In fact, continue to praise him every time he behaves respectfully.
Step 5: Show your child that words are powerful
Teach your child that people don’t forget words.
So it’s important to pay attention to what you say, especially when you’re upset or angry.
Tell your little one that it’s okay to feel negative emotions or bad feelings, but that’s no reason to be mean or rude.
Words can hurt!
So be careful how you speak to your children, and even to other adults.
Do you speak clearly?
Are you polite?
I repeat: children repeat what they see, so set them a good example.