Here’s what life with an only child is really like

Having two or more children is far from easy.

But having one isn’t all plain sailing either.

One of my friends has chosen to have only one child. Her decision is not yet final, but for the moment, she has no intention of enlarging her family.

On the other hand, she’s fed up with the constant questions.

When are you going to do the second one?

Doesn’t your child feel lonely?

Doesn’t he have someone to play with, or do you feel sorry for him?

Yet, looking at her, I tell myself that having one child is just as difficult as having two or more.

Granted, each new child carries a new care and obligation, but I can’t say, comparing myself to my friend that there’s really a big difference.

I have three children and almost all my friends have at least two.

My friend who only has one child often feels stupid telling me how hard it is for her sometimes.

There’s always this prejudice against parents of one child (apparently they’re selfish), they often hear the phrase:

It’s easy for you, you’ve only got one.

Sometimes it seems to me that the number of children determines how “real” a parent you are.

And having a child is like having a pet.

With two, you can already be a parent in the full sense of the word.

More children automatically means it’s harder for you – well, that’s that.

Having a child isn’t easier. For a start. All of us parents, no matter how many children we have, experience the same worries and problems.

We all want the best for our children, and we all worry about being good parents and doing everything right.

Having a child doesn’t mean you’re any less of a mother.

My friend’s first year of motherhood was terribly difficult.

Post-partum depression, breastfeeding problems, loneliness… You could say she really felt all the “charms” of motherhood. A child requires more attention.

In other words, to be honest – a child is a real little stick. Especially if you live far from your family. Mommy is the center of the world.

Although there are times when he plays alone at home, such moments are very rare.

When he needs company, Mom or Dad is there.

During the last confinement, for the first time, she said to herself that she really needed to give birth to a brother or sister.

Of course, she was joking. But the idea was still in the back of her mind.

One child means you’ll constantly hear questions like “Why didn’t you expand your family?” or that you won’t know what to say when your child asks you for the first time, “Mommy, why don’t I have any brothers or sisters?”.

“One child is enough to turn your world upside down”.

One child also means you’ll have to fight the prejudices people have towards individuals, and explain that this doesn’t mean your child will become a spoiled, lonely person.

Just as in families with several children, having a child means getting up at night to soothe your offspring who has had a nightmare.

You have to get up early in the morning and stay up at night when he’s sick.

The obstacles and difficulties are the same.

One child or many, it’s singing the same song for the hundredth time.

Having one or more children also means you’ll never get anywhere on time.

A child means that sometimes you can’t wait for him to go to sleep, and when he does, you can’t stop looking at him and thinking about what kind of person he’ll become.

A child doesn’t mean you won’t sometimes want to take a break from all the mothering responsibilities.

A child doesn’t mean you’ll have the same time for yourself as before motherhood.

A child doesn’t mean less remorse.

A child doesn’t mean that you won’t be judged by the environment because of the educational methods you use or the way you feed your child.

A child is when your days seem long, but you still want to stop time.

One child versus two (or more) may mean less commitment, but an equal amount of love.

One child is the first child to teach you about motherhood.

In short, one child is enough to turn your life upside down.

So why all the hatred?

I wonder why we parents with two or more children consider ourselves better.

What makes us different from parents with just one child?

We like to criticize others, that’s for sure.

We like to portray ourselves as experienced, know-it-all parents, because we’ve learned to juggle several responsibilities and several children.

But in the end, we all have the same worries.

We all face the same challenges.

So we should support each other. Reach out to each other in times of difficulty.

We should stick together despite our different choices.

Despite our unique points of view and difficult experiences.

In fact, not despite, but because.