My daughter, my sweet, adorable Ladybird,
I offer you this letter in the hope that your fears will subside. In the hope that you’ll understand that growing up without a father by your side isn’t so bad, even if it can make you sad or angry.
I had to make a choice that may seem unfair to you today
I’ve always done everything on my own, from the very moment I found out I was expecting you.
I knew you deserved a better childhood than I did, even if it was a decent one. I wanted yours to be fantastic, to be incredible.
You deserved to have an extraordinary mother, and for that I knew I had to change my life.
One of those changes was to let your father go, because I knew that the little boy I loved then would never really turn into a man. Not in time, anyway. And he didn’t stop me.
From the moment I knew you were growing inside me, I felt connected to your being in the making.
You’re going to roll your eyes, I know, “Mum, stop the cliché”, but it’s the truth, the day I gave birth, darling, it was the most beautiful day of my life.
Mothers always talk about that day as the day you become a mother, but for me, it came long before you arrived.
I felt like a mother from the moment I knew you were growing inside me.
And if you like clichés, let me add another to the list: unconditional love.
I never knew how much I could love someone until I met you. It’s an overwhelming sensation of maddeningly pure feelings and emotions that I’ve never really been able to describe.
Sensations that I continue to live with every day.
Being a mother really makes me feel as if my heart lives outside my body. I naively thought I knew what love was before I had you in my life, but I was wrong.
I love you unconditionally and the intensity of my love for you is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
From the moment I heard your little heartbeat, I fell in love. Everything became so real! There was a life growing inside me that would soon have to rely on me alone.
A whirlwind of emotions
There was fear: would I be able to raise this child without fatherly support?
But the anticipation of happiness and love crushed that fear, and I knew what I still know today: I would do everything in my power to give you the best, most pleasant life you could imagine.
And that boy who’d made me pregnant, he wasn’t going to be able to do that for you, only I could.
He wasn’t mature and our story was doomed to failure. Letting him go was easy for me, but I understand why you might find it sad and unfair.
I wanted and still want a normal life for you: a home with 2 parents, in a good neighborhood with good schools. A home full of happiness, love and laughter.
And I don’t think I’ve done too badly, I’ve given you everything except a man you could call Dad.
And you seem to be okay with that, most of the time.
You call me “mapa”, your “mommy-daddy”.
I’ve done what I can to teach you how to be a well-rounded young lady, taking on the double responsibility of father and mother.
You were lucky enough to have my own father around to show you how a man is supposed to treat you.
I taught you to stand up straight and fight for your ideas, you’re not afraid of anything except maybe spiders (and yes, it’s all my fault but really, what awful bugs).
But we do our best to overcome our fears.
When you were little, I loved playing catch with you, buying you trucks to build fake building sites and then telling you princess stories at night.
Even though it was complicated to plan, I attended all your school events and took you to all your extracurricular activities.
I have been and always will be there for every skinned knee and every tantrum.
You’re beautiful, just the way you are
I know you often think otherwise and that others hit you where it hurts. You doubt yourself and constantly find new faults.
You feel like you have to live up to standards, that you have to follow norms in order to be loved.
This won’t change, even when you’re an accomplished adult! You’ll continue to compare yourself to others and find yourself inferior in so many ways. You’ll be your own worst critic, your own executioner.
And yet, you know what? We’re all unique.
We come in all different shapes and sizes. Some people are tall, some are short; some girls are round, some girls are skinny.
We have different hair, different skin, different eyes… the list goes on.
It’s easy to see beauty in others, but much harder to see it in yourself.
But believe me, you’re beautiful and perfect, just the way you are.
And while I understand your difficulty in accepting or believing it, my heart breaks every time you think you’re not.
You have the right to be whatever you want and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I think you’re smart, brave, resourceful. You can stand up to guys, you’ve got character but you’re still delicate.
I’m also amazed by all your talents: you can do so many things that are impossible for me.
In short, you’re a much better version of me, my Ladybird; you’re special and unique and I wouldn’t have you any other way.
As for studies, of course they’re important, but above all I want you to learn for yourself. I want you to do something that you love and that makes you happy.
That’s where my own happiness lies, not in what I’d like you to do.
I forbid you to choose a job that you won’t like, under any kind of pressure (such as that of telling yourself that making lots of money will make you happy).
Only settle for the best for you and you alone. I won’t mind if you’re a waitress or a lawyer, as long as you’re happy.
I’ll also respect all your choices in love, whether you prefer to live as a couple or remain single.
Just know that I’ll love whoever makes you happy (as long as they treat you well, or else watch their back!).
Live your love life the way you want to. Don’t get married if that’s what you want, don’t have children.
Be who you want to be. I’ll never pressure you to be or do anything different. Go with your heart, follow your dreams.
As long as I’m alive, my house is your house. No matter where you go or what choices you make, you can always come back.
I hope you don’t make the same mistakes I did.
Your own path, your own mistakes. And believe me, you’ll make a lot of them. Some will be bigger than others, but don’t worry, that’s normal. I keep making them too!
If you never make mistakes, that means you never take any risks or seize any opportunities that come your way.
Don’t live like that.
I hope you’ll take the plunge, give it a try, take a risk, because if you don’t, you’ll never know what might have happened.
Go and set the world on fire. If it doesn’t work, put out the flames and try again. Learn from your mistakes and continue to learn from others who follow.
Know that you’ll never be able to please everyone.
It’s not possible and it’s pointless anyway.
Rely on your friends, on the people who support you and will support you.
Throughout your life, you’ll have your own cheerleaders who will stand by you and encourage you.
You’ll have friends who’ll stand by you even when they think you’re wrong: these ones you’ll treasure, they’ll become your best friends.
But yes, you’ll also meet people who don’t like you or simply don’t understand you.
And that’s okay too, don’t make yourself sick over it, all right?
When your heart breaks
I’ll be there.
Whether it’s by another person or by something that happens, or doesn’t happen.
I know you’ll be hurt. More than once.
When that happens, I’ll suggest you take your time, take care of yourself and “fix” yourself.
It will feel like the end of the world and like nothing will ever be the same again, but it will pass. I promise.
That doesn’t mean it will stop hurting completely or that you’ll forget… But it will get easier and you’ll be happy again afterwards.
I also ask you to take care of other people’s hearts as much as you can.
I improvise every day
Nobody really knows how to be a parent. All the guides in the world won’t be enough.
In the meantime, I do everything I can to be the best person and mom I can be, but I still screw things up sometimes.
Just when I thought I finally knew what I was doing, life throws something else at me. All I can do is try to solve one problem at a time.
I’m giving you advice based on what I know and what I’ve experienced, because incredibly, my darling, your mom was young once too! So I understand you, more than you know.
I was scared, I wasn’t safe, I didn’t know who I was going to be. So I hope you know that you can always talk to me about anything.
I’ll always listen to you, without judging, and I’ll try really hard to say and do the right things. Just like now.
But I’m learning every day and I hope you’ll forgive all my future mistakes. Nobody’s perfect, not even your great mom!
Know that I wouldn’t change my choice for anything in the world
Because all the roads led me to have you. I know I wasn’t lucky enough to take the easy road, but I also know I’m the luckiest person in the world.
Being your mom is the best thing I’ve ever done and you’re a blessing.
What an honor, truly, to be your mother. Of all the women on earth, you chose me to be your mother. This realization has brought me so much gratitude and joy.
You’ve given me a title and a responsibility that I cherish more than anything else in the world.
I don’t mind failing in this life, as long as it doesn’t involve you, as long as I know I’ve succeeded in being a good mother.
You gave me a strength I didn’t know I had. I’ve been fighting for you since the moment I learned of your existence.
I knew that from that moment on, my life’s goal would be to love and protect you without fear.
You are a constant reminder to me to always stay true to myself and my values.
I promise to continue to love you unconditionally
forever. I promise to accept you fully for who you are and will be, not for who I think you should be.
I promise to support your efforts, encourage your interests and nurture your passions. My arms will be open to you when you succeed and when you fail.
I’ll always try to protect you from pain, but when it’s unavoidable, I’ll be there to relieve it. I’ll guide you when you’ve lost your way.
I’ll be a source of light when your world seems totally dark.
I’ll learn from you and with you, and I’ll always put your needs above mine.
If at some point we don’t always agree with each other, my intentions will always be to act in your best interests.
A mother’s love is selfless and eternal, you know.
My Ladybird, you are a source of light and joy for all those who have known you since the day you were born.
But that’s not surprising, because I see how you love others and how they love you back.
I can’t help beaming with pride.
No matter where your journey takes you, I’ll always be with you in your heart and you’ll always be in mine.
After all, you’re the only person who’s ever heard my heart beating in two different places: on the inside… and on the outside.