As adults, when someone is strong-willed we see that as a positive trait, but when a child is strong-willed we deem it negative.
I have heard, numerous times at that, a parent calling their child strong-willed when talking about how loud or mischiveous the kid is.
And I’ve been racking my brain as to how this can be a bad trait? People say that a strong-willed child is difficult, challenging and argumentative!
However, that isn’t the case! Nurturing strong-willed children can have lifelong benefits, since their adult counterparts tend to be very successful and respected.
Just because your child questions you and other people around them, doesn’t mean they’re difficult!
Read on to find out how you can nurture this trait of theirs and help them be their best selves!
1. Learning Through Experience
No matter how many times you tell your child that they shouldn’t do something, they’ll still do it, so don’t stress and let them learn!
I’m not saying you should let them run around with scissors, but if they want to try that hot sauce, let them!
Children learn from experience and the more they test your patience the more they’ll learn!
2. Give Them Options
If you have a strong-willed child, you shouldn’t be sitting there giving them orders. Instead, give them options! If they are able to choose, it will boost their self-esteem.
For example, you need to run to the store, but you can’t leave them alone, plus they’re playing. Ask them if they want to go to the store now or in 5, 10, 15 minutes!
This doesn’t make them feel obligated to do something, which will increase the chances of them leaving without a fuss!
3. Pick Your Battles
It’s no secret that strong-willed children will get on their parents’ last nerve, but it’s important that you pick and choose your battles.
Some of them will even be repeat battles, so they don’t need your time and energy.
Focus on what is important, if the behavior needs to be changed, then pick that battle, but if it’s just annoying, then leave it alone.
4. Reward Good Behavior
Many parents know how to punish children, but when it comes to rewarding them for good behavior suddenly it’s whatever.
Punishing and not rewarding your child will have consequences in the future. Rewarding them for good behavior will motivate them to be like that in the future.
I’m not saying you should buy them things every time they behave nicely, a simple ‘Good job!’ will do the trick.
5. Involve Them When Making Decisions
I’m not saying you need to ask their opinion on a life-changing decision! However, if you’re dressing them for the day for example, and they don’t want to wear a jacket, don’t yell or fuss about it.
Simply say something like, ‘I’ll bring the jacket and you can decide later.’
Maybe it’s freezing outside, but your house is warm. In their head, they don’t need a jacket because they’re warm right now.
6. Don’t Make Them Contradict You
Before going off at them and showing them who’s boss, take a deep breath and think about the consequences.
A strong-willed child won’t back down, they’ll defy you even more.
7. Let Them Express Themselves
You need to let them freely express themselves and their opinions. If they don’t want to wear a shirt that you picked out, don’t make them wear it!
No one’s forcing you to wear a shirt you don’t like. That being said, you can’t let them just not do homework for school, you need a different approach with that!
However, letting your child express their feelings and thoughts will make them better problem-solvers in the future!
8. Listen to Them
As a parent, you know what’s best for your child, but you still need to sit down and listen to what they have to say. Not just listen, but take it into consideration as well.
Show them that you understand, care and acknowledge their efforts.
9. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
You were a kid once too, they are constantly navigating new experiences and feelings. If you promised your child you will do something for them and you don’t fulfill that promise, naturally they’ll be upset.
Furthermore, you’re basically scolding them for being upset about you breaking the promise. You’re the one in the wrong here!
Try seeing things from their point of view before going in guns blazing.
10. Use Positive Parenting Techniques
Instead of screaming at your little one or sending them into time-outs, use positive parenting techniques to learn why they did something that they shouldn’t have.
Something that you should always implement is role-modeling. Children love mimicking everything we do! So start with yourself and your behavior and go from there!
Another thing you can try is time-ins. Instead of the regular old time-out where you send your child off to a corner and let them think about their behavior, you sit them down and let them talk.
This allows you to better understand why they did something bad and what lead to that!
11. Show Them Respect
Having respect for your child is a must. When children don’t feel respected and validated they will do everything and anything to ”earn” that respect.
When they’re talking to you about something they love, toys, animals, puzzles, etc., never say ‘That’s boring, stop talking‘ or ‘I don’t have time for that.’
Engage in conversation or at the very least let them know that you’ll talk about it later.
Your child needs to know that what they have to say is important, since that will give them confidence and respect, which they seek.
12. Connect with Your Child
If your strong-willed child only sees you as a dictator that gives out orders, then you’re in trouble. They won’t recognize you as authority nor will you be able to connect with them.
However, if you remind your child about your unconditional love, if you show up and pick them up when they’re down, then you’ll connect with them
With that they will be more open to talking about their problems and more prone to listening to you.
13. Explain Your Reasoning
Children are naturally inquisitive, especially strong-willed ones! They will want to know the how’s and why’s behind everything!
It doesn’t take much of your time to give them your reasoning. Instead of just telling them ‘We have to do this‘ take a minute to explain why it’s important to do that particular thing.
This way you’ll avoid a fight and your child will feel more respected!
14. Set Boundaries
Your strong-willed child might want to be able to make their own choices, but they’re still a child! They need discipline and routine!
You may enforce rules around bedtime, behavior in public spaces or screen time! When enforcing these rules, be firm but also kind.
15. Allow for Mistakes and Admit Your Own
One of the worst things you could do as a parent is be a hypocrite. Your child will misbehave from time to time and it’s up to you to explain to them why that was wrong.
Life is all about trial and error, so make sure that when your child does mess up, you show them love and support, along with giving them guidance.
Your child looks up to you, so it’s important that you own up to your mistakes, because nobody’s perfect and we all make mistakes.