If you are a parent, then you are probably aware of the joy you feel when your children are around.
Even though they are not small anymore, it is nice to spend time with them and remember all the nice memories you made throughout the years.
Once your children grow up, they find their own hobbies, hang out with their own friends, and create their own families.
All of this is normal, but sometimes, it goes even further than that.
Some children start avoiding their parents and not talking to them for months. They never call them, rarely show up at family dinners, and always argue with their parents when they offer advice.
What could be a cause of this and what can you do as a parent to heal the distance?
Reasons Why Adult Children May Be Avoidant
There are many reasons why your children might be distant from you as adults as no family is the same, but there are several reasons that often come up that are behind this type of behavior.
- They have not forgiven something you did in the past – this is one of the most common reasons children begin to distance themselves from their parents. They simply cannot forgive the mistakes you may have made in the past as a person they trusted.
- You still see them as children – when you do not accept that your child is no longer a baby, it can create a delusional world you live in and your child feels suffocated by your constant worries and calls.
- You do not like their partners – if you express the dislike of your child’s partner, it may be the reason why they are becoming distant.
- They have a feeling you want to raise their children – your grandchildren are not yours to raise and they may feel you intervene too much into how they deal with their children.
Of course, these do not have to be the reasons why your child is distant, but try to follow your gut and find the reason behind their coldness – I am sure you can dig deep and feel what it is. Nobody knows your child better than you.
What To Do If Your Children Are Distant
Here are several solutions you may find useful when dealing with distant children.
1. Communicate How You Feel
You should always communicate that you feel left behind and that you miss their presence.
Do not be shy to tell them what is making your heart heavy. If they are busy with work or other things, this will help them remember your bond and how much they have neglected you.
If they are doing it on purpose, you will need to communicate about the potential reasons for that.
2. Make Them Feel Special And Valued
It is important to remind your children of how much you miss them and how much you value them.
Some children may feel neglected if they are the only ones who call. If you have not in a while, check up on them.
Try to remind them of the fact that they are your biggest treasure and I am sure you will see some changes.
3. See Them As Friends
When you become a parent, you start teaching your children how to live life. Once they grow up, this role of a parent never leaves us.
However, we are not always smarter than them. Wiser, probably yes, but we have to accept that their world and our world are mostly different things.
When you start treating your adult children as your friends, they will feel closer to you and it will make them open up.
4. Respect Their Time
Your adult children usually have jobs, hobbies, and friends they need to attend to.
Expecting them to be available for you all the time is simply impossible. Try to understand this and make sure you find hobbies and friends as well that will occupy your time.
Also, if they cannot make time to see you when you want, tell them that it is okay, and try to reschedule your plans.
5. Let Them Raise Their Children How They Like
As previously mentioned, we are always trying to guide our children and give them advice.
However, there are boundaries and things we should respect when it comes to their personal lives and their children.
Try to accept the fact that our grandchildren are growing up in a new world and the rules that we are used to are no longer modern or do not apply to the modern way of living.
6. Talk About Any Problems You Had In The Past
Be prepared to listen to them and do not get offensive. Apologize for anything that might have hurt them in the past if it still weighs their heart.
Our children can sometimes remember things even if we do not remember them, but they stick with them for a long time.
If there are any unresolved issues you have, try to understand them and do not only see it from your perspective.
Communication will help you both to open up and heal anything from the past.
7. Support Them
Try to be as supportive as possible because children love having parents who do not judge or doubt them.
Let them learn from their mistakes and do not use them against your children. Nobody likes hearing ‘I told you so!’, right?
8. Remind Them Of The Happy Memories
Try to heal the distance by reminding your children of the good memories you shared.
You can send them an old video of you or make a compilation of the old photos you have as a birthday gift.
This will definitely make them remember how both of you are still learning how to live this magical ride called life.