I’m not going to make any great revelations when I say that motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Indeed, raising children while juggling work, personal obligations and self-care is far (very far) from easy.
Sometimes I think men are very lucky. But hey… we just have to fight. Being a mom is hard.
In fact, in my opinion, it’s the hardest job in the world. You’ve got so much responsibility on your shoulders, it can be suffocating.
Do you ever feel like you’re suffocating? Losing your cool? Yes… So do I. But I’ll tell you my secrets.
I’m a proud but very (very) busy mom. I have three children under the age of 6 and I work full-time. Like many moms, I’ve made my children my priority.
I devote all my free time to them, I read with them, we go for walks and we learn to respect each other. Communication is extremely important to me, so I try to talk to them honestly.
What’s more, I’m a lucky person (at least, that’s what I’m constantly told) because I have a partner who is very involved in family life and raising the children.
Apparently, this is rare. Yet, with or without a partner (of course, it’s much easier to raise children when the father is present AND involved), it’s the mother who carries the whole burden on her shoulders.
Let’s be honest..
That’s why so many moms are exhausted, stressed and constantly on the verge of tears. They feel they’re failing as mothers and setting a bad example for their children.
Until recently, I felt the same way. Then I decided to take the time to analyze my behavior and its causes and consequences.
I wanted to get to the root of my frustration and lack of self-confidence as a mother. And what do you want to know?
I discovered that I’m a superhero. I’m an extremely strong and independent woman. Honestly, I think I’m capable of moving mountains to please my family and make them happy.
The only thing I lacked was taking care of myself. Yes, because I was neglecting myself so much, my stress level was increasing more and more.
And when you’re stressed, you scream and behave completely irrationally. So here are the 10 changes I made to be more relaxed.
And now I’m a better mom. After all, if you want to succeed in any area of life, you have to start by taking care of yourself. If you want to be a happy mom, start with yourself!
So if you want to be a more relaxed mom who handles her kids’ cravings and tantrums more easily, here are the habits you need to change immediately.
10. Follow celebrity trends.
We all compare ourselves to others, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. This comparison gives rise to the desire to be like the others.
We want to look like them, imitate them and follow their example: it’s human nature. But you need to break away from this image of the perfect mother. Don’t look at Instagram as if it were reality.
The kids won’t remember all those toys and clothes you bought them, but they will remember the moments you spent together, the things you did together and how they felt during those moments.
9. Saying “YES” to everyone but yourself.
Many of us need to learn to gently say “no”, without letting our conscience get in the way. And moms in particular tend to give too much of themselves, especially to children.
Yet sometimes you have to say “no” to them in order to say “yes” to yourself. Set your limits and recognize when you’re giving too much.
Taking the kids to the gym, helping with homework or preparing all the birthdays is certainly important, but once in a while you just need to set aside an evening to enjoy a glass of wine and a nice bath. Say yes to yourself!
8. Spend more time on the phone than with the kids.
All the children want from you is your love and attention. They want you to be proud of them. Usually, children (at least when they’re little) want to show you and tell you everything.
Yes, it can be boring and repetitive but, as you know, it won’t always be that way. One day, children will want their privacy and won’t want to share everything with you.
So, while the kids are little, in those moments when they’re calling Mom for the millionth time in a row, hang up the phone. Social networks will still be there, but those moments won’t be. Leave everything and enjoy the time with the kids.
7. Have too high expectations of how much you can take on in a single day.
We all have too long to-do lists. Moms are particularly good at this. But sometimes you have to tell yourself that the laundry can wait. It won’t go away, so take a deep breath and feel free to put the work aside.
A day only has a certain number of hours and various things happen, such is life. Remember that you are a human being and concentrate on one thing at a time. And for everything else, there’s tomorrow.
6. Don’t ask for help.
You can’t do it all yourself. Nobody can. So don’t feel bad or think you’re failing just because you need help. In fact, it takes a lot of strength to ask for help.
It shows that you’re thinking of the good of yourself and your family. We all need help from time to time, and that’s perfectly normal.
5. Feel guilty about dining out or not eating healthy every day.
Do you really believe that the perfect mom always cooks fresh, only organic, homemade food for her family? Unless that’s what this particular mom does for a living, there’s no such woman.
So don’t feel bad if you have to eat out, at a fast-food restaurant or if you want to order food from home. That’s part of life’s little pleasures too.
4. Forget to make your wedding a priority.
It’s easy to put children first. They depend on you and constantly seek your attention. These are the things we tell ourselves.
But one of the best things you can do for your child is to show him that you love his father. This creates a certain serenity because the child knows he has a strong family.
You’ve probably heard mothers say that their children come first. But one day, those children will leave home and you’ll be alone with your partner.
You may find that you don’t even know the person you’re living with anymore, unless marriage has been your priority until then. So take the time to talk and flirt with your partner. It’s good for you and your children.
3. Repeat over and over that you’re a bad mother.
You’re a great mom! You take care of the family, you feed them, you encourage them, you teach them what to do and so many other things.
If you’re worried you’re not a good enough mom, chances are you’re a great mom! Those who always want to fix something, upgrade, give more love and more patience to their children are great moms.
2. Worry about what other people think.
Life’s too short to give a second’s thought to other people’s opinions. What do your friends and family (or strangers) think about you and your family? You must not give a damn! They probably don’t even understand your situation or what you’re going through.
People who really care about you will understand you and never judge you.
1. Not taking care of yourself
We always explain to others, and especially to ourselves personally, that we’re too busy to do this or that for ourselves. Why don’t we ever have enough time for ourselves?
We have to remember that happy, healthy children need a happy, healthy mother.